Imbolc                                                                             Valentine Moon

FortThree weeks ago I drove through Denver around 8 pm exhausted and wondering why I was so damned tired. Getting home was hell. Today, thankfully, I’m able to be up  and get things done. Still operating at about half to three-quarters power, stamina not great, but improving. Stronger today is my day phrase.

Kate sounds great. Needing to recover I’m still at home. One thing I learned over the last three weeks is that if I’m not healthy, it makes our life here very difficult. I’m going to get back to normal so I can help her as much as she needs. A difficult balance, especially with her in the hospital.

They may insert the feeding tube while she’s at Swedish, too. This will give her two sources of nutrition, one intravenously and the other by drip directly into the gastrointestinal tract. She will able to eat meals as well. Several advantages here.

First. She’s been stuck at 78-82 pounds for months. Nothing nudges her out of that range. She needed a different approach.

Two. Electrolytes and other necessary nutrients will be carefully balanced in both the tpn and the feeding tube. Her diet up to now has been what she could tolerate with an emphasis on calories and protein, not overall nutrition.

Three. This will reduce, hopefully eliminate, her always nagging feeling that she wasn’t eating enough. This should help her get back to eating normally, without the attendant anxiety of trying to gain weight.

Four. Since she’s wanted this for several months now, these supplemental feeding tools give her a psychic boost, which she needs.

Five. Our big hope with this intervention is that it will lift her into a normal weight range where her diet and her stamina can both improve while the secondary effects of malnutrition drop away.

We’ve seen plenty of false dawns in Kate’s journey to this point. I’m hoping this is the one we’ve been waiting for.

Overcome

Imbolc                                                                              Valentine Moon

A question for the Woolly Mammoth meeting of this Monday: “…think back over time – older and newer – was there a piece of music, a song, or a musical video that had an impact on you, or that shaped your thinking, or who you are in some way, at some important juncture in your life, or time in your life.” Scott Simpson

Here’s my reply:

protestI can still hear the others singing, feel the resonance of my voice joining theirs, marching, marching, marching. So many times. The song was the old spiritual, We Shall Overcome. I sang it in protests again Vietnam, in labor solidarity rallies, on the occasional Sunday morning. I sang it alone, in the shower, driving in the car.
Whenever I hit the line, we shall over come someday, and even writing this, I tear up.
This song could be my heart’s theme song. It’s a musical answer to Shakespeare’s famous query, “To be, or not to be: that is the question: Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, Or to take arms against a sea of troubles, And by opposing end them.” I’ve always been on the take arms side.
 
Though, parenthetically, I’m also a follower of the Tao which suggests wu wei, or non-doing as an answer. Both seem true to me. In the end I cannot just let things happen to me, or to the people and the society that I love.