Rabbited

Beltane and the Recovery Moon

Zoomed. Friends as zeroes and ones. Pixelated. Paul near Robbinston, Maine. Way up there near New Brunswick. Bill, Tom, and Mark in the Twin Cities metro.

They said, “If no one else can drive you to radiation, one or some of us will come out and do it.” Had to pause for a minute. Tears just at the edge. Friends.

Beth Evergreen. Community, or, better, as Bill suggested on the zoom, belonging. Made real.

Velveteen Rabbited. Our cracks filled with gold, our selves more valuable. Seeing and being seen.

And of course Kate, Jon, Ruth, Gabe. Joe and SeoAh. Mark and Mary and Diane. Friends and family. When life gets hard, who we turn to. Thanks. And, I love you all.

A Skeptical Realist

Beltane and the Recovery Moon

32 degrees this morning on Shadow Mountain, raining. Fog grays out Black Mountain. So far our usual summertime foe, wildfire, looks less formidable. At least for this year.

Office, Edward Hopper, American realist

And, yes, if you, reader of Ancientrails, are tired of the medical overcast here, so am I. However.

As Kate and I talked yesterday, I told her about my new friend David, who has a prostate cancer situation more dire than mine. His has metastasized. He said, “I’m good at compartmentalization.” I’m not. Don’t want to be.

I’m a realist. Neither optimist nor pessimist. I want to know what is. There’s good evidence in psychological studies of depression that realists end up depressed more than optimists. That optimists are happier than realists or pessimists. May be. Still can’t look away.

That’s what you’re reading here. My attempt to see. Inside and out. And, even though I learned from Cosmos and Psyche that skepticism is a tool, not a lifeway, surprise; it’s a tool I’ve used so long that I can’t put it back in the toolbox, hang it on its little outline on the pegboard of my mind. Skepticism and realism have never made me the life of the party. Debbie Downer might be more apt.

Yet some deep commitment to honesty, learned I’m not sure where, keeps me realist and skeptic. I don’t like being manipulated, by others, by institutions, by myself. So I long ago chose to deal with the psychological fall out of the examined life, a fair exchange in my world. Not always pleasant, but cleaner. Candid.