Lughnasa and the Harvest Moon
First post radiation psa is in: 0.03. Very low, the test becomes inaccurate at 0.029. Had to get the number at my primary care doc because nobody called me with the result. Think I’m between the cracks right now. Done with radiation and out of Anova Care, but not seeing Eigner, my urologist, until November. Just sent a note to my oncologist asking him his interpretation of this result.
In my mind any result other than zero (which is frustratingly hard to define) would have been bad news. Since the Lupron suppresses PSA and I’ve just had radiation to kill the cancer, anything other than zero would mean trouble. IMO. Problem is I can’t tell if this is effectively zero or a very slight signal of still existing cancer. Probably just anxiety based thinking.
I’m able to retain my equanimity, that is hold space for this moment rather than get embroiled in what might be or what could have been, but in the initial moments after new information I can easily swing into OMG mode. What I’m doing here.
This ride is not over, not for several months, perhaps longer. Cancer seems to have a habit of not giving up. Me, too.