2020 Insight

Winter and the Future Moon

Wednesday gratefuls: Kep and Murdoch are not hurt badly. My elbow gash got sewed up. The sorta blank slate that a New Year suggests. The quiet of a holiday. The call from Joe and Seoah yesterday. Gertie laying next to me as I write this. Kate”s nourishment now possible thanks to the new feeding tube.

Gosh. A New Year. 2020. If you weren’t born in the first half of the 20th century, you won’t appreciate how weird it is to write those numbers, experience this ticking over of the Gregorian Calendar. Don’t know about you, but 2020 still seems a long ways off. Tall buildings with floors reached by hovering Yellow Taxis, or now, Uber and Lyft. Cyborgs in the population. Cloning on order for almost anything biological. Brain implants for new skills, new knowledge. You know.

Even though I know life doesn’t work like this, I’d still prefer a better year this year than the last one. Since at least September 28, 2018, our life has taken disconcerting turns. No, maybe that’s not the right traffic analogy. Feels like we got onto a roundabout that day and have been circling, circling, circling, hunting for an exit to easy street, or at least easier street.

And, in some ways, we finally did a couple of months ago. Kate’s weight went up over 100 and stayed there. Her stamina is much better. She no longer requires the rollator everywhere she goes. Her lung disease has stabilized. My copd has gotten markedly better with the prednisone and albuterol inhalers. I’m in a waiting place with the prostate cancer treatments, yet I feel fine. In fact, I feel cured, but I have no evidence to prove it.

So, we are in that mythical “better place.” I can imagine ways it could be even better. In that, perhaps, I’m letting the best be the enemy of the good. Probably am.

I appreciate, am grateful for, Kate’s much improved condition. I’m grateful my health issues seem manageable. I’m happy for Joe and Seoah. Seoah looked radiant when I spoke with them yesterday. Makes me feel so good. Ruth’s painting. For Hanukah, she made Kate a painting of a hand holding flowers. Ruth’s growing into a responsible, intelligent, and caring young lady. Mark, brother Mark, continues to teach in Riyadh. Mary’s in Singapore. Jon came out to support me when I had my bite sewn up. Gabe’s becoming more social.

The dogs. Well, they’re doing ok. I’m glad we’re able to care for them all. Challenges are not bad. The fight on Monday told me my working out is working. I was flexible enough to wrestle with those dogs, hold Kep’s head in my legs as I wrapped the scarf around their mouths. Even the bite proves I’m alive. Not just proceeding through life, but living it.

Here’s what I want in 2020. Gradual but real improvement in Kate’s health. A PSA that finally shows my radiation treatments worked. Ruth making a peaceful transition to high school in September. Jon getting his house much further along. A good time in Singapore for Joe and Seoah. That Mark and Mary continue to do well in their work. Doggy happiness, not snarliness. A five foot no ignition zone around our house. A new roof with wires to hold off ice dams. And, of course, hardly last, Trump gone into history.