Imbolc and the Shadow Mountain Moon
Sunday gratefuls: Ruth. The week early birthday cake she baked for me. Her idea of sugar water with dissolved oxy for Gertie. Management of Gertie’s pain. Seoah’s sadness and joy. Joe. Rigel, who has slept every night near Gertie. Bergen Bark Inn where Murdoch now resides. Murdoch, the happy guy. Kate at home. Her healing, even if it’s painful. Gabe and his offer for hugs. Jon getting better.
Murdoch’s absence makes our house more peaceful. He was a threat to our safety, especially Kate’s. But. He has a great, free spirit. Happy and eager. He loves his life and I love that about him. That he and Kepler were water and potassium? Very unfortunate for us all.
In his time here I went to urgent care once and the E.R. once. Antonio went to urgent care. Kate went to the E.R. and had to have surgery on her hand. She’ll have stumps with no fingernails. Seoah went to urgent care. This is all since New Year’s Eve. As Seoah would say, too much.
I’ve made two decisions that turned bad. I didn’t see the potential difficulties of Murdoch’s time with us as a reason to say no. It would have made things tough for Joe and Seoah. So I saw them as a challenge that experienced dog folks like Kate and me could handle.
It wasn’t, however, until Seoah flew away to Singapore that the first incident occurred. Oh, it’s a one off, I said. We let our guard down. We were tired. It won’t happen again. Then it happened again. The E.R. for me.
You know the rest.
When the vet said cancer, two weeks for Gertie, I ran out of the exam room. I can’t do this. I can’t do this. Meaning euthanasia. As I wrote a few posts back, this is my default. So we brought her home. Her pain was awful and we had a hard time getting on top of it. She moaned, cried, and we couldn’t make the pain stop.
I felt awful. My stubbornness. Her pain. We have, finally, got a painkiller regimen that works, but it’s using four times the dose our vet recommended. She’s calmer now, still alert. Still Gertie.
Two doggy decisions I could have made differently, but didn’t. Both because my heart lead me. I’m not ashamed of that, but I wish I had seen clearly, too. Kate did, in both instances. She’s a better decision maker than me. That’s one of the reasons her illness over the last couple of years has been tough. Much of the time her pain, her troubles took her out of our decision making loop.
We’re a team. And it’s hard when an important team member is down.
Our first attempt to find a new place for Murdoch failed. There are more options. That’s what this week is for. Meanwhile he’s at doggy camp and, according to the staff, having a great time. He’s even got a girlfriend, Sienna. That Murdoch.