Ostara and the Moon of Mourning

Friday gratefuls: Joseph is here. Kate heading out to work from Edgcumbe, 153rd. Kate and I at the St. Paul Chamber Orchestra. Holding her. The sign language for I love you. Money. Honey. Time.

Sparks of joy: Ingenuity. Joe’s compassion.

Getting stuff done. Dog grooming. Vet appointments. Paying bills. Taxes.

Still no death certificates. No ashes. Rich Levine, lawyer and friend, said this is about the time it takes to get them, sometimes a bit longer. Not looking forward to picking those up. Necessary though.

Booked ticket to Hawai’i. A month plus a little. Leaving mid-May, back mid-June for the Summer Solstice. It will be an Ellis family reunion in miniature with Joe and Seoah, Mary, and me. Time to rest, restore, recuperate. I need it.

Today I meet the house/pet sitter, Emily. Hebrew alphabet class at 9 am. Jon’s coming up for dinner. Joe, Seoah, Jon, and me. The new family constellation. Kate will be part of it, too, as she will always be from now on. A touchstone, a heart, a conscience, a memory, a source of confidence and love.

Sad. Missing Kate. Integrating her death with life. Hard.

Saying Kaddish each day. Waiting as things settle.


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