New Keyboard!

Beltane and the Island Moon

Tuesday gratefuls: My new keyboard. Finally here. Meeting Joe as I did my morning cardio. Seeing Diane with Mary next to me. Going to the commissary with Seoah. IRA transition complete. The acai bowl from the deli and the poke salmon from the poke guy. Yumm. Pictures of Kep and Rigel from Emily. Trade winds keeping us cool. That cattle egret and its sinuous neck movements. Definitely in the silly walk family. The surprising beauty of Hickam AFB. The welcoming graciousness of Joe and Seoah.

Sparks of joy and awe: The wide Pacific. Palm trees in their many varieties. Land so far away from the continental U.S., surrounded by water.

I don’t like writing on my laptop keyboard. So. Terseness. Even absence. With the new wireless keyboard here, I’m baaaaack. Excited to get back to writing Jennie’s Dead. Tomorrow. Excited to write here. Without this keyboard I felt like a painter without brushes, a carpenter without a hammer. 45 without an adoring audience. I feel good. Like I knew I would.

Hawaii. The Island Oahu. 75 with the cooling trade winds blowing, forcing the palm trees to use all their long evolved tricks to maintain their leaves. One allows the fan like leaves to bend, but not break. Another allows wind to flow between narrow leaves. Still others have sturdy leaves on strong stalks able to move with the wind, staying supple under forceful blasts. Birds. Cattle Egrets. Brazilian Cardinals. Mynah Birds. Northern U.S. Cardinals. Small bright yellow Birds. All after Insects or Grass Seed or Worms or Seeds encased in vegetative armor.

Boulevards with tall Palms, leaves high in the air. Stucco houses with island style roofs. Joe’s office building with divots from Japanese bullets fired on December 7th, 1941. 80 years ago. Now Joseph works in that building with our allies, the Japanese among them, to  help contain a different foe, the rising Chinese dragon. Burn no  bridges.

This base is, today, peaceful, quiet. Air Force men and women in camouflage uniforms go to work, carrying briefing cases, lunch boxes. Arrive in cars, by bicycle. On foot. Hard to imagine, day to day, that their business is defense, weapons, fighter aircraft, soldiers and sailors.Blood and fear. Yet it is. They are our warrior class of this, the computer age.

In the anarchic world of geopolitics they are our protection, plan it, prepare for it. Joe works with the Philippines. An ally. Others in his office work with South Korea, Taiwan, Japan, India, Southeast Asia. It’s interesting and often difficult, requiring a mix of diplomacy, carrot and stick, relationship building. Joe is, I think, good at it.

Yesterday was a sad day. Wishing I could have done more at the end of Kate’s life. Stayed more nights, been there when she died. I was tired, so tired. Couldn’t last 24 hours a day. Some guilt, regret, yet also a knowing of my own, real limits. The numbness has begun to slough off, leaving me more vulnerable to sudden attacks of memory, of wistfulness, of the could have beens and the might have beens. Nothing that seems unusual to me. Hard, anyhow.

My next task is to get clearer about my budget going forward. I have plenty of money, thanks to Kate’s IRA and her social security, my pension (albeit reduced). But what do I spend per month? Is the total income enough to keep me where I am? I’ve lost around $18,000 in annual income and I have to be clear and sane about it. How? My social security and the reduced pension amount.

More tomorrow.



This entry was posted in Family, Feelings, Memories, Third Phase, Travel, US History, Weather +Climate, World History. Bookmark the permalink.

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