Wistful

Beltane and the Island Moon

Wednesday gratefuls: Murdoch. Who wags his tail. Joe and hisĀ  new haircut for a call with the Japanese. Seoah, recovered now from a dog incident yesterday. Mary and her work with Seoah to find a good ESL program here. Mark Koonz and his work building a Lilac bed and an extended Iris bed. Hawai’i for its delightful weather.

Sparks of Joy and Awe: The healing power of, as Kate used to say, the tincture of time.

Time passes. A month. More. Reality doesn’t change, but Kate’s death has filtered now through many days and nights, many tears, many conversations. Sleep is easier. Intense pain, emotional pain, has lessened, gone for the most part. No hour goes by without some reflection, some moment, true, but those are mostly positive, smiling about who she was, what she would have said, done. Wistfulness floats through my days like Fog on the Mountains. Whether this will last I do not know.

As I’m writing, Joe works on his computer, preparing for a meeting with his Japanese equivalents; Seoah sets up a mirror in the cooler kitchen area to exercise; and, Mary vacuums upstairs, a task that for thirty years her maids have done. Murdoch lies down, one eye open in case food should fall in front of him. Morning on Hickam Air Force Base outside of Honolulu.

My day started before 6 am. Let Murdoch out. He must have had a lot of water to process because he peed a long, long time. Exercise. I dialed it back a bit, not pushing myself like I did on Monday. Tuesday was no fun and I wanted to be sure to not repeat it. Still did all the sets and reps, just didn’t extend them to 20 squats, 20 lawnmowers and so on. Felt better.

Coffee with Mary out on the deck, watching the Cattle Egret do his silly walk in search of bugs. That Brazilian Cardinal with the bright red head hunting for seeds. Eating one of the Cinnabon rolls from Pizza Hut, last night’s supper.

We all watched WandaVision, the first two episodes, on DisneyPlus. This is good television, a post-modern pastiche of Marvel comics characters, early TV sitcoms, and a clever script. If you have access, try it. You might be surprised.

No longer following my four year habit of checking on the idiot. Yes, I look at the newspapers on line, but no longer to find out what new outrage came from 45. Biden pushes along, making progress, more than I imagined he would. Whether he will make more is open to question, but at least he won’t be affirming pussy grabbers, child sex traffickers, white supremacists, and the gun nut crowd. That’s enough for me right now, though I’d like to see a lot more.

My attention to the news of the day has been different for quite a while. I read it, yes. Try to absorb, understand, but my desire to act has softened. Age, Kate’s long illness, now grief. Whether it will return or no, I’m not sure. I feel the loss of that impulse, but it may be time to let GenZ carry the fight. They seem willing. Ruth being a good example.

Right now. Learning more about Hawai’i, picking up Jennie’s Dead again. Starting to write. It’s about 3/4’s finished. Hanging with family. Plenty.

 

This entry was posted in Asia, Cinema and Television, Family, Feelings, Hawai'i, Politics, Third Phase, Weather +Climate, Writing. Bookmark the permalink.

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