Lughnasa and the Chesed Moon
Friday gratefuls: CBE. Mussar Vaad Practice Group. Rich the Surfer Dude. Marilyn. Jamie. Susan. Tara. Judy. Alan. Ron. Children. Their complicated love. Ruth. Lauri and Jamie B. Elul. Repentance and Forgiveness. Kate, always Kate. Rigel and Kep.
Sparks of Joy and Awe: MVP
Tarot: The High Priestess, #2 of the Major Arcana
The Cat in the tree. Jonathan, new neighbor across the street (1 of 3), has two Dogs and two Cats. One, an orange tabby, got scared, maybe when Zeus, Boo, and Thor ran the fence line with Rigel and Kep. This is a six and a half year old game they play and it’s noisy, raucous. Up she went on one of my thirty or forty foot tall Lodgepole Pines.
Her cry was piteous. From the very top of the tree. Help, I’m stuck up here. Then, Rigel found here and exercised her coyote hound heritage by baying at her. At least three different times. Did not calm the cat.
She was up there 24 hours. Jonathan found an organization called Cat Rescue, apparently an international group with volunteers in all states and many nations. The rescuer, a former arborist, got out his rope, his spiked shoes, and his cat bag. He climbed the tree, bagged the tabby, came down and all was well. Oddly, he lives less than a block away.
I got to meet my new neighbor, the cat got home safely. Good deal all round.
After breakfast with Alan at the Bread Lounge, I bought a loaf of their amazing sourdough. Best bread I’ve ever had. Alan was the first person I told about my PSA rise. It feels so good to have folks to tell, folks who care.
In to pick up Ruth. She came up here to finish deciding what she wants of Kate’s sewing stuff. Lauri and Jamie B come today to haul off for Bailey Patchworkers what Ruth does not want. She’s such a sweetheart. She stayed all night, fed the dogs, helped me make gazpacho, showed me her counted cross stitch which she’s learned to finish some of Kate’s projects. Jon and Gabe are coming up this evening. Joe comes tomorrow morning.
As life pulses, changes, continues on even though Kate died, even though my cancer is back, even though the Delta variant races through Florida and Texas with even greater speed than elsewhere, I’m amazed at what it is. A stream of love racing in from all directions, towards all of us, if only we open ourselves.
MVP last night. Again, folks I could tell about my PSA. Who heard me, cared. The vessel created by love. The t-shirts, the Love is Enough t-shirts, are done today. Jon will pick them up on his way up here with Gabe. Making more and more sense.
We sat outside last night as the waxing crescent Chesed Moon rose. The Mountain Air cooled down as the Sun set behind Bergen Mountain. We spoke of matters deep and personal. Being heard. Seen. Felt. Healing.
My journey with the tarot and kabbalah continues to astonish me.
The veil between me and the underworld is thin. Has been thin since Kate’s last days. (see the notes below) Got a bit thinner yesterday.
A while back Kate gave me a wonderful compliment, “You’re the most androgynous person I know.” That felt good. So good. It speaks to the dialogue my soul has had with itself over the years, letting the divine feminine have more and more space. Redesigning me as she expanded.
Chuang-tzu’s work has helped me wind further and further down the spiral staircase. His Inner Chapters have bent my mind, creating another spiral next to that one, a helix of my spiritual DNA. Especially his insistent on not-understanding. Even though I’ve tried several times to write a systematic treatment of my theology, I can’t get there. But why?
Biggest reason. Certainty is the enemy in my inner world. As soon I say, this I believe, another part of me, partly that divine feminine I’m sure, says, “Oh. Really?” That’s shown up many times on my ancientrail as a seeker. All the books on theology, be they Buddhist, Islamic, Hindu, Christian, or Jewish devolve (IMHO) into truth claims about matters that cannot be nailed down. Things like salvation. Sin. Punishment. Moksha. Nirvana. Heaven. Hell. The soul. Sacred writ. Priesthood.
Sure, we can write about them. We can even say this and then this and then that. If I grant you the assumptions you made at the beginning, I have to agree with the path you took to explain nirvana or venal sins or djinn or 613 mitzvot. Here’s the thing. I don’t grant you the assumptions.
Why? Because they are the unproven foundations of the gimcrackery you call dogma. Does your dogma have precious human truths embedded in it? Yes, like kimberlite has the occasional diamond or an oyster the occasional pearl. I celebrate those and want to find them. Do I want the entire mine and the ore? No. Every oyster in the sea? No.
My sense is, informed by Chuang-tzu, none of us know. None of us understand. The truths of life and the 10,000 things are not understandable. But, we can appreciate them. Celebrate them. Accept them. Lean into them.
As the veil has thinned for me, I see no difference between living and knowing. Being and becoming. Being and doing. When I dream of a butterfly, like Chuang-tzu, I wonder if I’m Chuang-tzu dreaming a butterfly or a butterfly dreaming Chuang-tzu.
“She shows up in your Tarot readings when the veil between you and the underworld is thin, and you have the opportunity to access the knowledge deep within your soul. Now is the time to be still so you can tune in to your intuition. The answers you are seeking will come from within, from your deepest truth and ‘knowing’.
…the High Priestess is a signal that you are being called to embrace the Divine Feminine – your connection to your intuition, compassion, empathy, and inner wisdom. Regardless of your gender, it is vital for you to balance and integrate your masculine and feminine energies, and the presence of the High Priestess signals that your sacred feminine needs your attention right now. Feel, rather than think. Collaborate, rather than compete. Create, rather than destroy. Trust your Divine Feminine energy, even if the masculine energy around you may appear to be stronger. Be proud of your ability to nurture, trust, sense, and empathise instead of hiding it away.” Biddy Tarot