Ten of Swords. Uh oh.

Fall and the Moon of the Thinned Veil

Saturday gratefuls: Kep snuggling up. Jon up here to take care of the Subaru. Rigel being Rigel. Kitchen remodel. Mini-splits. Hawai’i. Joe, Seoah, Murdoch. Aloha. Tarot. Even the Ten of Swords. Astrology. Gradually understanding my birth chart. Kabbalah. Becoming a heuristic, a metaphorical world view. Mark’s sweet e-mail.

Sparks of Joy and Awe: Induction

Tarot: Ten of Swords, Druid Craft

 

Yesterday. Watching more of my chart reading with Elisa. A video on One Drive. Getting a gestalt of my natal chart. Challenging. Sort of understand sun sign (aquarius), rising sign (aries), and moon (sagittarus) though even as I write this my knowing seems elusive. How the planets, conjunctions et al, north/south node, and houses work. Elusiver.

The astrology and kabbalah class, in going through each of these: sun sign, rising sign, moon and planets, angles, north/south node, houses in separate classes will help me, are helping me. By the end of this class I’ll have a better, much better grasp of the fundamentals. I want, too, to have a gestalt of my chart. Then, maybe, I can begin integrating these three strange disciplines: kabbalah, tarot, and astrology.

At 74 I’m late to the occult party and have a sine wave of acceptance and resistance still moving through my studies. When Elisa, for example, talks about the movement of the planets activating my birth chart, I still find how reverberating. Then, oh. Mirrors to my soul. Archetypal. Evocative, not definitive or predictive. OK. OK. I’m trying.

Great workout yesterday. Planning my HIIT work over the weekend. Then going to three sets of resistance on Monday, plus 25 minutes of cardio. HIIT on Tuesday and Thursday.

Jon came up around 4 yesterday to meet the tow truck removing his faithful Subaru for Colorado Public Radio. He had a window between 4 pm and 8 pm. On a Friday night! In the mountains. They didn’t come. Not a big surprise.

Coulda been a wreck. A mistake on the date. Got lost driving in the mountains and gave up. Whatever it will get sorted.

Jon’s down to 139 pounds from his normal 175. That’s a lot. And, eerily similar to Kate. We put Kate’s weight loss down to her Sjogren’s and her inability to take in additional calories by mouth. However, Jon’s eating. At least now. Thrush complicated eating for him, but it’s receded. Makes me wonder if we missed what caused Kate’s weight loss.

One of his legs, his left, has begun to act up, and become smaller. Why? He had a CT Thursday with contrast and that was normal. Frustrating. This full court effort to identify what’s causing his misery continues. He has elevated liver enzymes, but no reason for them. He’s lost a lot of weight. Why?

He’s in better spirits anyhow because he’s eating and seems to have his Addison’s back under control. We ate chicken pot pie, homemade (moi), and I gave him the other half to take home. A nice conversation.

A full Friday. Today and tomorrow have no outside events save for a drive in to Gaetano’s for my Roger this noon, the Ancientones zoom tomorrow am, and the Johnson clan at 2 pm. I’m going as a mage, a reader of Tarot and practitioner of the gray arts.

Look forward to the time without others. I’m getting as much human interaction as I need. That feels good and makes the alone time both more precious and more fulfilling. I’m alone far more than I am with others. Works  for me.

 

Ten of Swords

This card. Ouch. At first. A man lies, his helmet and shield fallen away, his stave shredded, ten swords piercing his back. He lies on a hillock with other green hills in the background. The sun rises.

The battle is over. Defeat. Left alone to die. Looks pretty bad, doesn’t it?

Even worse it signifies the culmination of the sword suit from ace to ten. The swords element is air, the element of the intellect. If you bring a sword to an emotional fight, you will be defeated. Just ask anyone trying to convince another of their political positions.

This card disturbs me, as does the marriage of the intellect with crushing defeat. Hey. What can I say? I’m an intellectual sorta guy.

Yet. I believe what this card has for me is this. No amount of understanding, analysis, ratiocination can change the reality of my life as it is this October. I have cancer and Kate died in April. And, yes, both of them have defeated me and probably will defeat me again, but right now, I feel like the very worst is in the rearview. That’s the message of this card.

Cancer and death. Two stalking horses carrying fear and dread. Who wants either one? But. Kate’s death has begun to soften in my inner world, become a source of strength as well as sorrow. And, cancer. Well, if you gotta have cancer, prostate cancer is a good choice. Managing it has good history, especially in the last decade with even more treatments being devised right now.

So. The world has thrown devastation and catastrophe my way. The world has killed the old me. Ten swords in my back, my helmet and shield stripped from me, the stave I used to defend myself splintered.

When I rose, as I did a month or so ago, from this grassy hillock, those swords spilled away, having done their work. I turned and headed off toward the rising sun. A new man. One still in the infancy of his new world. A fool, really. A beginner. Glad to be on the journey, the ancientrail of my fourth phase.

 

 

This entry was posted in Astrology, Dogs, Family, Feelings, Fourth Phase, Friends, Hawai'i, Health, Kabbalah, Shadow Mountain, Tarot. Bookmark the permalink.

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