Dialectics

Spring and Kate’s Yahrzeit Moon

ninja weeder having a cold one 2013. Those are ground cherries in her shirt.

Wednesday gratefuls: Marilyn and Irv. Ode. Tom. Birds singing in the Lodgepoles. Blue Sky. Cold. 16 degrees. Amy and Conifer girls soccer. Phonak. I can hear clearly now. Roger. Ruth. 16! April. The month of births and death and a wedding. Max. Supermax. Life. David Sanders. Luke and Elisa. Astrology and Kabbalah. Tarot. The World seen through Fire and Ice.

Sparks of Joy and Awe: David’s big idea

 

Tomorrow Seoah takes her oath of citizenship. Her July 4th birthday will take on added meaning for her and her family back in Korea. Fated to be a Yankee Doodle fashionista? I miss seeing her and Joe and Murdoch. Glad they’re coming soon. Diane, too.

 

Screwed up on Ruth’s birthday dinner. Texted her it was on the 7th. But. In reality I had made the reservation for the 5th at 5. She called me from class after I reminded her. “You said the 7th!” Oh, really? Quick search. Oops. “Yep. I did. Can you still come?” “No.” “Ok, I’ll fix it.”

On my way into Mile High Hearing I spoke with the folks at Sushi Den. Yes. My mistake. What can you do on the 7th? 7? OK. Called Ruth. Can you come at 7 on the 7th. Yes. Whew. Don’t want to mess up her sixteenth birthday celebration.

 

Mile High Hearing. Amy, my audiologist, opened the door of their office with a Conifer Lobo’s Soccer tee shirt on. “Ah, the home team.” Game night. Amy moonlights as a soccer coach at Conifer High School for the girl’s team.

Trouble with the phone/tv/hearing aid linkage. When I try to use the phone to look up something while I’m watching TV, sometimes the sound cuts off. A bluetooth matter, I was sure, and Amy agreed. She fixed a setting on my phone to off and said that might help. Might not. Haven’t checked it. We’ll see.

 

Cousin Diane expressed amazement that I would talk about heading off to where Joe and Seoah soon after Ruth graduates. “You’ve been putting so much thought and money in making your house comfortable.” Hmm. Yes, I said. Contradictions. Consistency is the hobgoblin of small minds. That’s Emerson.

“I feel like my life is all oxymorons right now. I want to go; I want to stay. I want to be alone; I want to see people. I want to read; I want to watch TV. I want to travel; I want to stay home. I want it to be Spring; I want to Winter to stay.” That’s me.

Both mussar and Kabbalah teach holding the dialectic, trying to live in the middle space between anger and passivity, patience and anxiety, loving-kindness and boundaries. Am I setting out the important dialectics for me right now? So, I can find a middle place? Sounds like it.

Let’s see. I. Do. Not. Want. To. Move. Unless I have to. Physical changes will necessitate it at some point. Not now. So the middle ground is, what? Stay here. Enjoy the new space. Live in it. But talk to Joe and Seoah so they’re prepared when I feel compelled to make a move to be near them. The same with Jon, Ruth, Gabe. Prepare them so they won’t feel I’m abandoning them. CBE. Sounds right.

I want to see people. I want to be alone. This one’s easier. Stay at home most of the time. See above. Go out to mussar, services, holidays, meals, friends. Otherwise. Be here where I can recharge.

I want to travel. I want to stay home. This one’s tougher. Inertia partly. Joy at being home. Money. Covid. Hassle. Tilts toward home. Hard. Although. I know I could spend some regular time in Hawai’i if I chose, staying with Joe and Seoah. I can get out on short trips with the aid of Emily or Susan as house/dog sitters. I have enough money I could go on a cruise, fly to Taipei.

Or, drive to Mexico? Is that possible, given narcoterrorism? Looks like it might be.

Have to decide and go a few times, I imagine, before I know what I’ll be comfortable with in terms of time, money, being away from home.

Watch TV. Read. Peak TV offers so much. Movies and dramas made in foreign lands. Anime. Documentaries. Wow. And it’s awfully easy when faced with the need to rest, relax to plop in the chair, hit the remote. I have however begun reclaiming that time in different ways. I cook. I read. I go out to eat with friends or family. Just need to keep moving the dial a bit until I find a new balance. Working on it.

The Spring Winter dialectic is about accepting. Wu wei. Today it’s winterspring. Tomorrow it might be springwinter. The next day it might Spring. As it comes.

 

 

 

 

This entry was posted in Anoka County, Family, Feelings, Fourth Phase, Friends, Garden, Health, Memories, Minnesota, Our Land and Home, Shadow Mountain, Travel. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.