Breaking Old Bonds

Beltane and the Beltane Moon

Thursday gratefuls: Muscles healing. Lesson learned. I hope. Only one Mouse out of four traps. Making progress. Less for the Ravens. Fewer droppings. Seoah and Diane will be happy. Me, too. Worried about heart hardening to killing. Long sleep. Healing my back. Working. Invitation to dinner, Robbie. Kya. Hope she and Kep get along. Pete. Chandelier hung. Rosettes around both light fixtures. Jackie. Her hugs. Haircut.

Sparks of Joy and Awe: Kya road trip. Saturday.

Tarot: Queen of Arrows

“A state of separation may exist, bringing with it privation, sorrow and misfortune. You may need to break old bonds, find new rivers to swim in to move beyond this place of darkness and loss.”



Old bonds. Not Kate this time. No. Intellectual curiosity that doesn’t feed me. As I said, done with kabbalah and astrology. Astrology probably for good. Kabbalah maybe later in a different vein. Or not. Also, leaning on the intellect. I feel separated from, what?

Of course, Kate. But. I looked in the mirror, literally, at Jackie’s yesterday while she cut my hair. I laughed at something she said. It was the old me laughing. Not the one burdened by grief. Sure, grief. Of course. Still. But. I’ve made my peace. It no longer brings a sense of misfortune, privation. Sorrow, of course from time to time.

In fact I’ve felt an urge to spread more of Kate’s ashes. Seoah said there is a belief in Korea that as long as the ashes are not spread the person is not free. More like the person who keeps them is not free, I suspect. Maybe both.

So. If not Kate, then what? Unamuno may be a clue. I once took delight in reading philosophy. Joy. But I’ve let that kind of reading become more obligatory. I do less of it and enjoy it less. Reading so much, too, about Judaism. Which is interesting and keeps me ticking along as a congregant at CBE, but is less what I need.

What do I need? The acting class is one clue. I need something that engages the heart as well as the mind. Being a docent did that for me. Political analysis is a possibility. Since I no longer feel eager to fight in the trenches, perhaps I can continue my work from the benches. Reading mythology. Writing in my voice.

Yes. I need to break old bonds, move beyond the me of the last few years, perhaps in particular the post-horticulturist years. Gardening fed my heart and mind and body. Been trying to replace it with no luck.

Nature writing. That’s a possibility. Hike and write about it. Tarot. That’s another possibility. Travel writing.


Mario has made travel the theme for this Sunday’s Ancient Brother’s conversation: “what did you bring back, or how did you incorporate travel into your life? … If you had to pick one concept on how travel altered your life, what would it be?” He’s in Taos on a long road trip through the Southwest. Apropos.

Maybe it’s the back whack and the resulting pain. Maybe it’s the details, but I’m finding travel interest waning. Gonna see how the road trip to Del Norte goes. 3 hours down 285. Maybe try to schedule a road trip, a short one. Maybe Taos. not far beyond del Norte. Feeling like I want to stay close to home.

Weird, eh? I mean after Covid. After the long years with Kate. Not making any for sures about this until the back heals and I’ve had my second thyroid level taken. Right now? Hawai’i sounds good because Joe and Seoah are there. Same with Germany if they go there. But not on my own.

I’ve done a lot of solo traveling and I like it. Maybe this is just a downward dip in my energy.

No longer melancholy, btw.



This entry was posted in Astrology, Coronavirus, Feelings, Fourth Phase, Friends, Garden, Health, Judaism, Kabbalah, Tarot, Travel. Bookmark the permalink.

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