Beltane and the Living in the Mountains Moon
Monday gratefuls: Kep. His limp. Joe, now ready to go to Korea if that’s what Seoah needs. Seoah, concerned about her mom. Murdoch. Seoah’s brand new American passport. Hawai’i. Fighting inertia in my head. May give up. Acting class tonight. Richard Powers. Bewilderment. Finished. House cleaning. Dreams. That cow I saved. Friends moving into my hotel.
Sparks of Joy and Awe: This new self
Tarot: Queen of Stones, the Bear
“This is a message of power, strength and honorably exercising your inner strength. It is a card of fearlessness, self-confidence, and self-worth. It is no coincidence that the base layer is all yellow and orange. Solar Plexus and Sacral Chakras: confidence, creativity, innate skills, and talent are all here. It is also dawn, a new opening, a new opportunity, and a beginning. Be a confident mother Bear. Know your worth and refuse to step back. Empowered. Believe in yourself. And only good will come of it.”
All right. Two days in a row. Queen of Stones. A message there. Guess I’m meant to be a confident Mother Bear. Feels like the role I’m stepping into now in Kate’s absence. Not only with Jon, Ruth, and Gabe, but with friends from CBE, too. Others. Also, for myself.
As I said yesterday, I’m choosing to lean into it.
Kep’s back legs seem to be giving him some trouble. He has a long ago injured tendon on his rear right. That makes it difficult for him to hop up on something. Not sure whether this new matter is real or temporary. I’ll wait a couple of days, see. Then into the vet. Back legs on dogs often give a signal of approaching or already extant problems. Hoping it isn’t so. Going to have rethink Kahlua if it is.
Kep’s twelve and the Akita lifespan is 12-14 years. So…
Life and death. Colorado. Illness and pain. One damned thing after another. And yet. Glad I’m here. Glad I’ve been able to confront these challenges, common to us all, and maintain a steady boat. Needed all the friends and family love I could get. I’m not entirely with the Buddha that all life is suffering, but it does suffuse life at certain moments.
Feeling like my soul has gone through an alembic on Shadow Mountain, the fire of pain distilling it into an open and loving man. Grateful for that.
Talked to Seoah and Joe yesterday. Joe’s started his new job as Ex. O. to a General. June 1. Seoah’s mom is in the hospital, heart stuff. Which she apparently had last year, too. I’m not clear on what the problem is but they are considering surgery. It’s spring and she feels terrible because the truck garden has plowing and seeding, caring for new plants. She doesn’t need that stress right now.
Seoah’s going over there for three weeks. Leaving soon. She may have to help in the fields. But. I hate insects! Her father wouldn’t let her work in the fields when she was young. Now she may not have a choice. She’s a hard worker so she would be an asset.
Both Seoah and Joe say, family first. And they’ve been there for me during my difficult times over the last year plus. Means Joe will be making calls today to see if he can get a position in Korea rather than Germany. Seoah’s feeling like she might need to be closer to home. “I really wanted to go to Germany. I’ve never been there,” she said. But family comes first.
A brand new American citizen she proudly showed me her blue passport. She will enter Korea this time as an American rather than a Korean citizen. That will be weird, she said.
Although. She also said that her mouth has begun to have trouble shaping some Korean words. And, when talking to her sister she sometimes has to think about the Korean. She’s transitioned in their six years of marriage.
I love these two. So much. And it bounces back, too.