Independence and its costs

Imbolc and the Durango Moon

Two weeks ago. In the front of my house.

Tuesday gratefuls: Jet lag. Means I’m home. Kep, better now that I’m back. His back legs. Sleep. House cleaners. Taking that Hawai’i dream back to Colorado. Going slow. But going. Scans tomorrow: bone and ct. Labs on Thursday for Kristan. Jon taking me to my scans. Rains. Green Mountains. Monsoons. Cool Mountain Morning.

Sparks of Joy and Awe: The vastness of this Earth home


It does feel good to be home. Getting back into the nitty gritty. Having my own responsibilities. I told Joe and Seoah I wanted to make no decisions while I was there. True to my word for the most part. Did choose to see Sea Turtles, the Ocean. Nico’s. Otherwise I just went with their flow.

Wanted a rest from Shadow Mountain life. Which I love. Also. Which I had not let go for over a year. Needed to.

As I wrote after reading the AARP survey, health in the aging of our time has three components: mobility, cognitive sharpness, and independence. Still has the ring of truth to me.


That independence one though. Very true. Certainly for me. Yet. With Kate’s death it has leveled up a notch. Perhaps a notch beyond what I actually want or need. Getting to a point where I’d like to focus my independence in a different way.

Owning a home has a level of responsibility that most of you who read this know well. Owning a Mountain home in a Wildfire zone cranks the algorithm a bit. I’m proud of myself for being able to manage Shadow Mountain and make it my own after Kate died.

However. I’m getting older. At some point it will become more than I want to do. Not at that point now but I can see it from here. Not money issues. Mostly Mountain living in the Winter. Taking care of everything that comes up. The possibility of Wildfire and the subsequent reality of evacuation. Those sorts of things. The tradeoffs will begin to tilt against me. This truth drives the Hawai’i thinking from this side.

Will not leave before Kep dies. He deserves that. Will probably wait until Ruth graduates from high school.

OK. Setting the Hawai’i stuff on the shelf for the moment. I know, obsessing a bit. But if you’ve read this blog for a while you recognize the pattern. Just me working through things.


More upbeat news. Nuclear bone scan and ct scan tomorrow. Always a fun part of the year. See what that little bugger prostate cancer has been up to. These are grosser scans than the axumin, but axumin only works when the PSA is above a certain threshold. With my current therapy making my PSA undetectable (which is good) axumin will not work.

The bone scan looks for metastases in the bone. The CT looks for them in other places. The problem is that the resolution of both of these is lower than the axumin so they may miss small spots where the cancer has gone. Currently there is no scan that works with the lower to no levels of PSA which is the only way to find the tiniest metastases since PSA is the primary way to suss them out.

Since my PSA is undetectable, the assumption is that my cancer is in remission, tamped down by the Orgovyx and the Erleada. Still, it is prudent to check once a year just to be sure. Tomorrow at Littleton Adventist imaging.


Let’s plan a look tomorrow at Nancy Pelosi’s visit to Taiwan and what makes the Midwest the Midwest.







This entry was posted in Dogs, Hawai'i, Health, Our Land and Home, Shadow Mountain, The Move, Weather +Climate. Bookmark the permalink.

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