Lughnasa and the Harvest Moon
Wednesday gratefuls: Robin. Jon. Kate, always Kate. Gabe. Sarah. Joe and Seoah. BJ. Temperature going down. Rabbi Jamie. Luke. Elizabeth. Jon’s Yahrzeit plaque. The phone call with Rabbi Jamie. Exhaustion. Sleep. Diane. Family gathering. Circling. Hawai’i calling. Emotional depletion. Kep.
Sparks of Joy and Awe: Friends and family
Trailing clouds of emotion. Wherever I go. Rest elusive. A troubled time for my heart. I need to stop feeding my yetzer hara, the selfish impulse, and start concentrating on the yezer hatov, the generous, loving impulse.
I’ve allowed past troubles between Jen and Kate, Jen and Jon, to cloud my judgment about now. Jon and Kate are both dead. The kids matter. I need to figure a way past the impulse to punish her, return selfish action for selfish action. Not who I want to be. Hard, but necessary. Slowly. Slowly. And not in the short term.
Being an adult is so damned hard sometimes.
BJ left for New York with her kittie and her violin. Like most classical musicians her instrument goes everywhere with her. Including into the Bonefish Grill last night while Ruth, Gabe, she, and I ate dinner together.
Joseph said, “We’re the Olson-Ellis family and we’re strong. I’m going to channel Kate. Use my Norwegian genes.” I told BJ. She said, “The Olson-Ellis-Johnson family.” Oh, yeah. J.O.E. We’ve really put ourselves together as an unlikely amalgamated family while tackling disease, death, family crisis. And it feels good.
Sarah is on her way from the airport with Gabe. Joe and Seoah get in at 9:50 tonight. Tomorrow we see Rich. Will feel better when everybody is here.