Not Over

Fall and the High Holidays Moon

Monday gratefuls: Cleaning today. Rice and Chicken. Korean style fried chicken. The house. So much art. Jon created. A lot. 9 large boxes of slides from Merton. The kids. Sad. Taking things from their rooms. Joe. Organizing, planning, keeping the process moving. The overall sag of despair and depression. Joe’s time winding down. Seoah golfing, going to see Jersey Boys. Her Korean friends. Korean.

Sparks of Joy and Awe: A clear mind at work


Talked with the Ancient Brothers about books. River of the Gods. The Cartographers. CJ Box. A book about family farms. Breath. So many books. The Time of Our Singing. Don’t remember them all. A Buckminster Fuller book. Wayfinding. Paul talked about a book by Margaret Wilkerson, I think. The Revisioners.

Some talked about their reading habits. An hour or two before bed time. Always in the evenings. My habit is I read when I can. Often in the evenings, but in the afternoons, too. At the doctor’s office. Anywhere while waiting. Like the others I imagine.

Bookish. Book worms. Tsundoku. “Tsundoku (Japanese: 積ん読) is acquiring reading materials but letting them pile up in one’s home without reading them.[1][2][3][4] It is also used to refer to books ready for reading later when they are on a bookshelf.” wiki 

As in, Tsundoku could be the name of my loft. Gonna do more pruning this morning.


Geowater comes to take care of my Water filter and the acid neutralizer. I could have left this, but I feel guilty about it. I let it slide for three years! I know. I know. I didn’t like Geowater and wanted to get another company, but never did. Now with only months to stay here, I’m not going to start over. They installed it.

Probably will be pricey.


Booking my October/November flight to Oahu today. Prices are down. I can get the same nonstops I had before for $800 rather than a $1000. Too old to sit at the gate interminably. Not to mention Covid. Will celebrate Joe’s 41st, his promotion, and look seriously for places to stay. Also, and here’s an interesting wrinkle. Raeone will be staying at their home for a week of that time. Probably good to have a chance to reconnect after 32+ years. Probably.

Hunting for housing. Something I have not done in a long, long time. Kate found Shadow Mountain. How I wish I had her for this move and for the home finding. Going to rely on Seoah and Joe to help, mostly Seoah since his work load is heavy. I need a woman’s perspective.

Windward Oahu. Since I switched my fantasizing to the more wild part of Oahu and left urban Honolulu as a faint impression, I’ve felt easier. Not sure why. Maybe because apartment tower living was a stretch for me after 30 years in Andover and on Shadow Mountain. Feels more like me though I was ready for an urban adventure. At least I thought I was.

Kep is the driver. His weight makes it nearly impossible for me to find an apartment in Honolulu. On the Windward side the weight restrictions give way for larger dogs. I might trade my Rav4 in for a Tacoma pickup before I move. No need for four wheel drive on Interstate Hwy 1 or 2. Besides, a lot of Hawaiians drive pickups.


Jon’s death and the handling of his estate has not impacted forward motion on the move. That’s only because Joe and Sarah did and have done so much work. Love for Jon. He was, in his heart, a sweet guy with a gentle touch on the world. His end was too soon and too bleak.

It has impacted me quite a bit in spite of all the work Joe and Sarah have done. Grief. Being part of the mix on handling the estate in spite of not doing the heavy lifting. Family dynamics. Hard to get it out of my head. Find myself being shallow in some respects. Getting through the days. Just getting through them. Not my usual way. Like Joe and I imagine Sarah, I’m tired. Not exhausted like I was that first week, but it’s still been a long haul.

And, it’s not over yet.


This entry was posted in Family, Feelings, Fourth Phase, Friends, Hawai'i, Shadow Mountain, Travel. Bookmark the permalink.

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