• Tag Archives Mom
  • Memories

    Imbolc                              Waning Cold Moon

    Night again.  Lying on my desk here are some items sent to me by my cousin Kristen.  She’s a devoted genealogist and packrat.  Right now she’s redistributing some of the things gathered from various sources over the years.

    This packet from her includes an obituary in a Shelby County newspaper for my mom:  Mrs. Ellis, 46, Dies in Hospital.  A small card with a stained glass window covered with white lilies has moms name inside, Gertrude  E. (Trudy) Ellis.  It also contains the name of Karl M. Kyle funeral home, which sat catty-cornered from our house on Canal Street.  Ed Grant did the service, the same Ed Grant who had the early morning study sessions on the Screwtape letters that seemed so adult and intellectual to me.  This was all 46 years ago.  That’s strange.  46 years later these documents of a family disaster have come home.

    A small package of photographs show mom in uniform.  She was, an enclosed brief news piece says, a private in the Women’s Army Corps.  This notice said she had arrived at Allied Headquarters in Algiers after having been left behind with sprained ankle.  She looks happy, formally dressed, but ready, eager.  In another photograph she leans against an iron railing at St. Peter’s dome in the Vatican State.  The year, the back of the photograph says, is 1944.  In this one she stands behind a jeep, posed again in her uniform, now in North Africa.  Still 1944.  She sits at a table with sharp bands of light falling on a wide checked pattern on the table cloth.  She’s half hidden behind a carafe while a friend seems to be speaking to her and smiling.  In the last one she a friend, Paty, lean against a small iron fence.  They both have on long pants that come up to their waist, blouses with two pockets in front.  Here the writing indicates Paty and me, Rome, ’45.

    Shards of a life, pot shards with a piece of her life’s design.  How to fit them into a whole?  How to place them in the life of the woman I knew?  I don’t know Paty.  I’ve still not been to North Africa, nor Algiers.  I have a hard time imagining my  mom as a single woman in uniform traveling Italy, going to Capri, then onto Algiers.  She spoke often of gay Capri.  She loved the song Three Coins in the Fountain and recalled the Trevi fountain with fondness.

    She was my mother for only 17 of her 46 years.  We talked about the war years, of course.  Mom and dad met at the end of the war, both having served its entire duration or pretty close.  Those were conversations all predicated on the assumption that there would be plenty of time to flesh them out, a life time.  But the life, her life, was cut short.

    A photocopy from 1934 completes the material.  This one talks about Benjamin Keaton, my first ancestor to live in the Morristown, Indiana area.  It has several oddities.  I’ll cite two here.

    It starts with these two paragraphs:

    Thomas and Rebecca Young Keaton, the grandparents of Aunt Zelda Haskett, were born in Philadelphia.

    The United States capital at that time was in Philadelphia, and Rebecca, then a small child has often related to her children how her mother carried her to the window to watch the presidential parade go past at the time George Washington was inaugurated president.

    Later, this note about Benjamin.

    On the 14th day of December, 1837, Benjamin Keaton and Mary Spurrier were joined together in the holy bonds of wedlock by a minister who was a stranger and soon after took his departure.


  • Trappin’

    Winter                   Waxing Cold Moon

    Got to the stock show at about 7:30 am today.  I was early enough that there was no one checking passes or tickets, exhibitioners had not yet come and there was only one place serving food.  And it hadn’t opened for business.

    Reminded me of the trips I used to take to the Indiana State Fair with my mom.  We went by Greyhound Bus because Mom never learned to drive.  That’s strange, isn’t it?  Just resurfaced as I wrote this.  Because of the Greyhound schedule we would get to the State Fair before the crowds.  Clean up crews would still be sweeping up from the night before and stock exhibitors would be getting their animals ready.  It’s a good memory and one I was happy to revisit.

    While I admired a badger pelt, the man who trapped it came out and we got to talking.  He explained a host of unintended consequences from such things as eliminating the spring bear hunt and limiting trappers in what they can do.

    Colorado’s Dept. of  Wildlife now kills as nuisance bears the same number as bear hunting did.  When the bears were hunted, the populations stayed steady, but with no hunting pressure and the growth of outlying development, bear numbers have skyrocketed. According to this guy, who seemed very balanced. The result is bears forced to forage in urban areas or suburbs because the wild territories have dominant adult animals in them.

    In addition, this guy, a trapper who lives in Summit County, where Breckenridge is, said when he began trapping there were few to no raccoons in the whole county because winter was cold and long, eliminating food sources for enough of the year that it was not good habitat for them. Summit raccoons are now abundant, “You should see a mid-winter Breck raccoon, lotsa fur and fat.”

    He makes his living trapping nuisance animals, mostly wild animals living high off pet food, garbage dumps and even purposeful feeding.  Animals that, again according  to him, could still be managed by trapping as it was practiced.

    I watched Simmental Cattle judging and a junior showmanship event for hogs.  As the place began to fill up, I packed up my purchases, boarded the bus and came back here for a nap.


  • There Are Days, Ordinary Days

    58  bar rises 29.80 2mph W dewpoint 30 Beltane

    New Moon (Hare Moon)

    There are days, ordinary days, days you can recall, when your life took a sharp angle turn, or created a swooping curve, perhaps dipped underground or soared up, up into the sky.

    It seems I remember, though how could I really, the day I got polio.  I don’t know how this memory got shaped or if it got shaped in the way all  memory does, by our selective recollection of snippets of moments, but here it is.

    My mother and I were at the Madison County Fair, held every August on the grounds of Beulah Park.  Mom had wrapped me in a pink blanket and we wandered through the Midway.  There were bright lights strung in parabolic curves and the smell of cotton candy and hot dogs.  I looked out from the blanket, safe on my mother’s shoulder, held in her arms.  And I felt a chill run through me.

    Years later I was with my Dad, early in the morning.  We sat in those plastic cuplike chairs in a pale green room.  My mother came up in an elevator on her way to emergency surgery.  Surgeons would try to relieve pressure on her brain from the hemorrhage she had suffered a week before during a church supper.  I got in the elevator and rode up with her.  Her eyes looked away from me, but saw me anyway.  “Soaohn.” she said.  It was the last time she spoke to me.  I was 17.

    The evening of my first marriage I wandered down a path in Mounds Park where the ceremony had taken place.  I wore a blue ruffled shirt, music of the Rolling Stones carried through the moist July air.  Butterflies landed on my shoulder.

    The night the midnight plane arrived from Calcutta carrying a 4 pound, 4 ounce boy.

    The third week of our honeymoon, a northern journey begun in Rome, found us at our northernmost destination Inverness, Scotland.  We had rooms at the Station Hotel, right next to railroad terminal.  It was a cool foggy night and we took a long walk, following for much it the River Ness, which flows into Loch Ness.  We held hands and looked at this old Scots village, the capital of the Highlands.  A mist rose over a church graveyard on our right.

    And today.  Planting beets and carrots.  Kate taking a phone call.  The news from the lab about Gabe. Now, after this sunny spring day, life will go on, but its trajectory has changed, changed in a profound way, in a way none of us can yet know.


  • History Changes the Past

    35  bar steady 30.04 2mph WSW dewpoint 26 Spring

                  Waning Gibbous Moon of Winds

    History changes the past.  Comic books were bad, bad, bad when I was a kid.  I knew this because my mother told me so.  I could read Tarzan and a couple of others I can’t recall, but never Batman, Superman, or any of the darker comic fare.  Like many kids I hid the Superman and others inside my stacks of Tarzans.  Also, like many in those days, when Marvel comics came out I was a teen-ager and Mom was no longer a taste-maker in my world.  The Fantastic Four, the Incredible Hulk, the Silver Surfer and my personal favorite, Dr. Strange became staples in my library alongside War and Peace, Crime and Punishment.

    Only in the past couple of months have I learned why comics were bad.  Fredric Wertham, a German born immigrant and psychiatrist, saw Superman and the superhero ilk as sub rosa evocations of the Übermensch, Nietzsche’s man who transcended morality and who Nazi’s believed justified their crimes. 

    Well, all I can say is, that Fredric must not have read a Superman comic.  Superman fought for Truth, Justice and the American Way.  Any kid who watched the TV program could tell you that.  Batman was too troubled to be an ubermensch or an undermensch. 

    This history has changed my past.  I always thought it was just a pacifist quirk of Mom’s that she restricted my comic reading, after all I learned from her to carry bugs outside in a kleenex and liberate them.  But no, it was another parenting influence, like Dr. Spock, only this one was a psychiatrist who probably believed Freud had it right after all.  It helps me see Mom as a parent, a person searching for advice on how to raise her children, how to keep them from harmful influences. 

    Boy, when I think of the fifties I realize how few really harmful influences seemed available, at least in Alexandria, Indiana.  No  rap.  Few drugs.  They weren’t on our radar.  An STD might have been an additive for gasoline.

    I began watching horror and science fiction movies as soon as I could scrape $.25 together to spend on my own.  I don’t know why Mom never stopped me from seeing those.  Or, maybe I didn’t tell her.  I can’t recall and she died when I was 17 so I never got a chance to ask her.