Spring\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 New Moon (Seed Moon)<\/p>\n
A week that seems to have passed in something of a blur.\u00a0 Evenings and mornings occupied away from home, preparation for this and that, then suddenly, Friday evening.<\/p>\n
There are times, one of them was a couple of years ago in the spring when I took a course on Paul Tillich, a philosophically oriented theologian, when I felt in over my head, a foreign experience for me and not pleasant.\u00a0 I’ve had a little of that feeling this week, as if I’ve extended myself beyond my current capacity.\u00a0 Again, not a pleasant feeling.<\/p>\n
These are games we begin to play with ourselves as we age.\u00a0 It goes like this.\u00a0 “Gee, I found my work on that e-mail action alert clunky, not on point.”\u00a0 Then my work gets modified, in fact discarded.\u00a0 “Uh-oh.\u00a0 I don’t have it anymore.\u00a0 I can’t develop new skills, be there when something new is required.\u00a0 Am I losing a step?\u00a0 Or, worse, have I lost more steps than I know?”\u00a0 Age.\u00a0 The wormy demon of doubt begins to creep through the mind.\u00a0 “I’m sure I could have gone through this no trouble–when I was 40.”\u00a0 Note:\u00a0 there is no certainty that this statement, or any of these are true, but doubt now becomes age linked.\u00a0 Is it permanent?<\/p>\n
This is not the kind of pre-dementia fear that some folks experience.\u00a0 I’m saying I’m used to a high level of functioning and I’m no longer sure I’m as capable as I used to be.\u00a0 This labyrinth has no Ariadne save the Self, no one to guide me since the measurer and the measured are identical.<\/p>\n
My real hunch is this:\u00a0 I tire more easily.\u00a0 On these weeks when I feel so busy, pressed I’m actually weary.\u00a0 My capacities aren’t as crisp when I’m tired; that’s true for all of us.\u00a0 So, exhaustion is the real culprit.\u00a0 But.\u00a0 Exhaustion is to some extent an age related phenomenon. In that sense my self-doubt does have a trigger related to aging.<\/p>\n
The good news is the week ahead has much less excitement.\u00a0 Time for some R&R.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Spring\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 New Moon (Seed Moon) A week that seems to have passed in something of a blur.\u00a0 Evenings and mornings occupied away from home, preparation for this and that, then suddenly, Friday evening. There are times, one of them was a couple of years ago in the spring when I took a course on Paul … Continue reading Doubt<\/span>