Lughnasa \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 Harvest Moon<\/p>\n
Do you ever have a twinge of regret or a moment of disappointment about all the things you won’t be able to read, to learn? \u00a0I do. \u00a0And sometimes the ache is terrible. \u00a0It can be non-specific. \u00a0The library, that is my library, has more threads than I can follow in one life time. \u00a0My own library. \u00a0What about the UofM library? \u00a0The internet? \u00a0A good bookstore?<\/p>\n
(Amour, Foi, Esperance – Maurice Denis)<\/p>\n
It can be specific. \u00a0I won’t be learning Mandarin this time through. \u00a0I’m not going to get a good feel for geology either, or biochemistry. \u00a0Even sociology, beyond a brush in college, is out. \u00a0So are most of the world’s literatures and all those paintings and sculptures I just can’t get to see. \u00a0It could be, of course, that I wouldn’t want to know the sociology of Poland, but I bet I would. \u00a0I’m sure I’d like to understand the working of plate tectonics at a deeper than cursory level, but I won’t. \u00a0The same for the chemical exchanges that make life possible. \u00a0Nope.<\/p>\n
This makes me sad. \u00a0Not in a terrible sadness way, not grief, not even really regret, more a prospective nostalgia for something that will not happen. \u00a0I can fell it creeping up on me when I look at book, say a history of Japan, and wonder if I’m really going to devote time to reading that. \u00a0If I’m honest and say to myself probably not, that’s when the feeling rises. \u00a0Oh. \u00a0But if only I could give some time in the evening. \u00a0Maybe then. \u00a0But no. \u00a0Not likely, not really. \u00a0Oh.<\/p>\n
(Psyche\u2019s Kin Bid Her Farewell on a Mountain Top – Maurice Denis)<\/p>\n
Most of us have, I imagine, a small collection of sayings that recur to us, sometimes often, that help guide us in making decisions. \u00a0One that comes to my mind a lot is this: \u00a0Purity of heart is to will one thing. \u00a0When I have to prune, to focus my life, to move my attention toward some task that will take a long time, I remember it. \u00a0It feels important to me, true. \u00a0Right.<\/p>\n
Yet. \u00a0To will one thing is to rule out all those others. \u00a0To leave them on the shelf, to abandon their discovery, the excitement of learning what they may have to teach. \u00a0Thus I have this difficult (to me) internal contradiction between wanting, even needing, to focus my energy and desiring broad as well as a deep learning. \u00a0This is one of those paradoxes with which I have to make my peace, I suppose, but I don’t find it easy. \u00a0It may not be possible.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Lughnasa \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 Harvest Moon Do you ever have a twinge of regret or a moment of disappointment about all the things you won’t be able to … Continue reading Prospective Nostalgia<\/span>