Imbolc \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 Valentine Moon<\/p>\n
Been feeling like a creaky old man. \u00a0The fall I took last Saturday produced a first class large bruise on my inner left elbow which I believe took, for a moment, all of my weight. The resulting motion wrenched my left arm away from my body, tearing or pulling something where muscles insert to my sternum. \u00a0I mention this not to be gruesome, but to explain why I’ve been feeling creaky.<\/p>\n
It matters. \u00a0I don’t mind being an old man, not one bit. \u00a0Older is what I am. \u00a0What I am is ok. \u00a0Except. \u00a0My chest hurts, up high around the sternum. \u00a0Each time I lift anything aversive conditioning sets in. \u00a0The pain itself is not such a big deal, definitely manageable as pain. \u00a0But the pain, and this is why I’m writing this, erodes my sense of myself as a healthy, fit old man. \u00a0That makes me anxious. \u00a0I wonder, what else is wrong?<\/p>\n
This is not a conscious process. \u00a0It took a couple of conversations with Kate to get it. \u00a0The pain changes my self-image and that changed image chips away at my self-confidence. \u00a0Yes, sure, in time I’d get used to this, if it were permanent. \u00a0I’d compensate, as I imagine many of you have had to do at one point or another.<\/p>\n
This post is about getting it out in plain sight, claiming what I’m doing and telling myself that, as Kate said, I’m injured and injuries heal. \u00a0True that.<\/p>\n
I already feel better psychically, just from realizing what I was doing as I reacted to the pain. \u00a0Now I want to shed the anxiety and let it be.<\/p>\n
Old man, yes. \u00a0Injured old man, yes. \u00a0Creaky old man? \u00a0Not right now. \u00a0Not yet.<\/p>\n
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Imbolc \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 Valentine Moon Been feeling like a creaky old man. \u00a0The fall I took last Saturday produced a first class large bruise on … Continue reading Injured<\/span>