Beltane and the Moon of Sorrow<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Thursday gratefuls: MVP last night on calmness of soul. Calmness of soul. Kate’s many improvements, her seder practice. Seoah’s frittata. Rain. Thunder. Another cool morning. Pictures of nearby bears on Nextdoor Shadow Mountain. One really big guy. Cataracts maturing. The morning sun, rising bright. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I have no clue how others see me. For some reason. Weird to discover this at 73, but there you are. The person my ancient friends described a couple of weeks ago? Huh? I mentioned this to Kate and she said, well, you’ve never cared how others see you. True. And, not true. I mean, I want to be seen favorably; but, I’m not willing to pay for it with my integrity. No one wants to be reviled. At least I don’t think so. Not sure what this means, but it feels strange to realize.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Got pretty far behind on the Talmud. Questioning my commitment. Is it worth the amount of time required? Maybe not for me. I can’t tell if this question has arisen because I’ve let it slip, 7 days now, or because I find it interesting, but only sometimes. Maybe not enough to keep at it for seven and a half years? Yes, I like long projects. But. I also have to like the long project itself. Leaning toward bagging it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Loft reorganization report. Yes, you might be surprised to know that this is still underway. Getting much closer, but the fiddly stuff toward the end always takes a while. Filing. Redoing some decisions. Maybe this week? Really looking forward to a finished job. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Why so slow? A major job. Paying attention to other things led to me piling books and papers here and there. Not exactly new, but I let it go on for a while. Then. OK. This is too much. Things have to change. Passed that point well over a month ago. I’m moving furniture, books, files, painting and sumi-e brushes, inks, paints. Had to clear off the tops of the book shelves to accommodate new additions to my library. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Also, I can only work on it for a limited period of time until I get weary. This is a psychic thing I don’t fully understand. Yes, there’s a lot of mental energy in deciding what to do with this and that, where that file or set of files needs to be, which books go together, how I can set up my painting and sumi-e to best support my work. OK. Maybe that explains it actually. Well, that plus Lupron.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Oh. Final introspection. My practice for calmness of soul is, whenever I see my image-mirror, zoom, elsewhere-I will recall this phrase from Walt Whitman’s Song of Myself: I witness and I wait. See below.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
From Song of Myself, <\/em>Walt Whitman Trippers and askers surround me, Apart from the pulling and hauling stands\nwhat I am, Backward I see in my own days where I sweated\nthrough fog with linguists and contenders, <\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Beltane and the Moon of Sorrow Thursday gratefuls: MVP last night on calmness of soul. Calmness of soul. Kate’s many improvements, her seder practice. Seoah’s frittata. Rain. Thunder. Another cool morning. Pictures of nearby bears on Nextdoor Shadow Mountain. One really big guy. Cataracts maturing. The morning sun, rising bright. I have no clue how … Continue reading I witness. I wait.<\/span>
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\nPeople I meet, the effect upon me of my early life or the ward and city I\nlive in, or the nation,
\nThe latest dates, discoveries, inventions, societies, authors old and new,
\nMy dinner, dress, associates, looks, compliments, dues,
\nThe real or fancied indifference of some man or woman I love,
\nThe sickness of one of my folks or of myself, or ill-doing or loss or lack of\nmoney, or depressions or exaltations,
\nBattles, the horrors of fratricidal war, the fever of doubtful news, the fitful\nevents;
\nThese come to me days and nights and go from me again,
\nBut they are not the Me myself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\nStands amused, complacent, compassionating, idle, unitary,
\nLooks down, is erect, or bends an arm on an impalpable certain rest,
\nLooking with side-curved head curious what will come next,
\nBoth in and out of the game and watching and wondering at it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\nI have no mockings or arguments, I witness and wait<\/p>\n\n\n\n