![\"\"](\"http:\/\/www.ancientrails.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/05\/page-of-stones-wildwood.png\")
<\/a>Kavannah: Histapkot. Contentment.\u00a0 \u00a0Seek what you need, give up what you don’t need.<\/p>\nTarot: Page of Stones, Lynx.\u00a0 “Begin something new that supports your health.” Clinical trial for me.<\/p>\n
One brief shining: Each night before I go to bed, I say three things. Hands over eyes, I first say the Shema. Then, hand on the mezuzah, “I am content with who I am. I’m content with what I have.” Last: “I love that little Shadow–all to pieces.”<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
When I say I’m content with who I am, I mean histapkot. This body, linked to all that becomes, has been, is, will be enough. The Shema says that plainly, yhvh is one.<\/p>\n
The second part, “I’m content with all that I have.” has become a challenge. Money? Yes. Shadow Mountain Home? Yes. Shadow? Yes.<\/p>\n
But. Am I content with cancer?<\/p>\n
Cancer and contentment. What about those days I read unwelcome news? What about all the treatments, all the uncertainty?<\/p>\n
I am content with having cancer. It can churn my stomach. Yes. It cannot be cured, so it’s a permanent resident. We are not two. We are one. When I eat, the cancer part of me eats. When I sleep, cancer rests with me. I am not content with cancer killing me. I do what I can to prevent that. Then again, I am not content with my heart killing me either. I do what I can to prevent that.<\/p>\n
Railing against the cancer. Fighting it. Struggling with it. All those war-like metaphors. No. Why? Because they bind me to self-hatred, stir the anxiety pot until it overflows.<\/p>\n
I refuse to live a life where cancer consumes not only my body, but my mind, my spirit as well. Like Medworld from yesterday, I will not allow cancer any more room in my mind and heart than it already has. I do not forget about it. Neither do I focus on it.<\/p>\n
I turn to the lodgepole and the aspen. To life with Shadow. To improving my writing. Life is for living, not for waiting to die.<\/p>\n
An enduring lesson of the Shema. The oneness of all becoming.\u00a0 All is part of the one. Nothing lies outside it. Not cancer. Not war. Not crime.<\/p>\n
Oneness challenges me to calm myself. To not let life be colonized by fear or self-pity. That’s why saying the Shema can act as a shield against anxiety and discontent. Stay here. Stay now.<\/p>\n
Seek what you need.<\/p>\n
Give up what you don’t need.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Imbolc and the Moon of Tides Shabbat gratefuls: Rabbi Jamie. Rabbi Rami. Teshuvah. Tikkun. Talmud Torah. Bagel table. The Mishkan. Shabbat. Colder. Rene Good. Alex Pretti. Say their names. Sparks of Joy and Awe:\u00a0 Torah Kavannah: Histapkot. Contentment.\u00a0 \u00a0Seek what you need, give up what you don’t need. Tarot: Page of Stones, Lynx.\u00a0 “Begin … Continue reading Content?<\/span>