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<\/a>Kavannah: Histapkot. Contentment.\u00a0 \u00a0Seek what you need, give up what you don\u2019t need.<\/p>\nTarot: #12, The Mirror.\u00a0 My neshama lies in the boat, ready for another return (teshuvah) to the homeland of my soul<\/p>\n
One brief shining: I missed the mark (hamartia) on Sunday’s Ancient Brothers discussion of health. I found myself confused and ashamed. What is health for me? Have I let myself down?<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n Protein targets. Eat real food.\u00a0 Low sugar, low salt. Exercise: 150 minutes.<\/p>\n Friendships. Learn something new.<\/p>\n A handbook for living perfectly.<\/p>\n I listen. Have listened. Too many marks to hit. I accused the “culture” of blaming and shaming. Making me feel like a self-abuser unwilling to do what’s good for me.<\/p>\n Not true.<\/p>\n Look at the exercise I have done. Intense cardio. Diverse resistance. The labors of gardening. Wildfire mitigation. Caring for Kate.<\/p>\n Don’t I deserve a break, a time when I can focus what energy remains on what sustains me–reading, writing, time with friends and family?<\/p>\n So what if I’m not the poster boy for diet and exercise? So what if I lose six months, a year of life if I can increase the quality of my life now?<\/p>\n Yeah. OK. But.<\/p>\n What if I’m rationalizing?\u00a0 What if the simple truth is that the alternative is hard work?<\/p>\n Am I blaming and shaming myself by internalizing our obsession with fitness and perfect diets?<\/p>\n Am I the one guy who can’t lash himself to the mast of the good ship health, wax in his ears when the sirens of red meat and downtime sing?<\/p>\n Over the last year and a half, I’ve found this dance between health and quality of life more and more difficult to navigate. Reminds me of our Lady of Perpetual Sorrow. I seem stuck between what I can do and what I should do.<\/p>\n Health matters. Ask any of us in our late seventies, early eighties.<\/p>\n My calendar fills with visits to specialists and imaging centers. Back pain. Head drop. A labrum tear. Managing the cancer part of me so it doesn’t destroy its host.<\/p>\n Perhaps that’s it.<\/p>\n So much of my time, energy, and money already goes into health. A lot. I work hard to maintain resilience, not let the little craft in which I live get swamped.<\/p>\n When I get home, I need to place cancer back in its place. Sit down to ease my back.<\/p>\n Exercise then? Nah.<\/p>\n Make something to eat? Yes, if it’s not too hard.<\/p>\n I’ve not yet learned how to square this circle.<\/p>\n I want to live. Live well.<\/p>\n How do I balance these competing, valid demands?<\/p>\n Not clear.<\/p>\n Not now.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Imbolc and the Moon of Tides Monday gratefuls: Health. Diet. Exercise. Weariness. Ruth and David. St. Patrick. Irish Wolfhounds. Shadow of the morning. Rene Good. Alex Pretti. Say their names. Sparks of Joy and Awe: Taxes Kavannah: Histapkot. Contentment.\u00a0 \u00a0Seek what you need, give up what you don\u2019t need. Tarot: #12, The Mirror.\u00a0 My … Continue reading Not clear. Not now.<\/span> <\/a><\/p>\n