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<\/a>Kavannah: Histapkot. Contentment.\u00a0 \u00a0Seek what you need, give up what you don\u2019t need.<\/p>\nTarot: Eight of Bows, Hearthfire.\u00a0 “(I) celebrate the fact that we endure, survive, thrive and grow with the support and companionship of our chosen tribe.”<\/p>\n
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One brief shining: Intimidating. No, Ruth said, you can’t be intimidating. She said it with love. Took me aback. My reaction surprised me. I can be intimidating, I replied, drawing my old male identity up. Then I thought, what am I doing?<\/p>\n
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How Ruth sees me. Maybe how most people see me? If I can’t intimidate, have I lost an essential part of my masculinity? I looked at myself from her perspective: 5’5″. Barely 130 pounds. White hair and age evident. 79. Oh, I get it.<\/p>\n
My power has shifted from the muscled man who lifted 150 pound dogs into the car for a vet visit. I’d struggle to lift Shadow, a light 37 pounds. My power has also shifted from the political partisan who would take on anyone, especially Haislet, the ob\/gyn who thought of himself a conservative (reactionary) intellectual.\u00a0I used to treat argument as a blood sport. No quarter. Win or go home.<\/p>\n
Again, Ruth. You’re not old; you’re wise. Oh?<\/p>\n
I can no longer cut down trees, limb them, buck the rest. I have to pause to rest while planting seeds. Planting seeds in Artemis’ raised beds. Frequent rests.<\/p>\n
Cooking demands more of me than I have to give. Standing up for over 15 minutes? Nope.<\/p>\n
Bank. Groceries. Gas. Maybe lunch out. Not anymore.<\/p>\n
I have one event in me in a day. A doctor’s appointment. A diagnostic procedure. A hair cut. The drive, with my head drop, wears me out. The brace helps.<\/p>\n
Easy to forget. Slowed. Way. Down.<\/p>\n
In spite of all this I do not feel diminished. When talking with Ruth and David, I showed up. Engaged with Ruth’s enthusiasm, with David’s hesitant vulnerability.<\/p>\n
My mind tracks back decades. Emile Durkheim comes to me. That seminary course in the Old Testament. A tender evening with Kate at the Nicollet Island Inn. Brings in new perspectives. That was our 25th. We bought mugs to celebrate. Red for me. Green for her.<\/p>\n
My power has shifted. Enhanced by Tara’s visits. Eleanor’s play with Shadow. By breakfast at Primo’s with Marilyn and Irv. By resilience borne of repeated encounters with cancer and death. By life lived in community. In family.<\/p>\n
Soft power.<\/p>\n
No intimidation necessary.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Imbolc and the Moon of Liberation Thursday gratefuls: Morning darkness. Sleep. Jackie and Rhonda. Hep B. The winter that wasn’t. This nation. Which I love. Rene Good. Alex Pretti. Say their names. Sparks of Joy and Awe: Teshuvah Kavannah: Histapkot. Contentment.\u00a0 \u00a0Seek what you need, give up what you don\u2019t need. Tarot: Eight of … Continue reading Soft Power<\/span>