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<\/a>Kavannah: Areyvut. Mutual responsibility.\u00a0 All humans are accountable one to another.<\/p>\nTarot: #11, The Woodward. Cancer requires an unflinching acceptance of hard truths. Not easy.<\/p>\n
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One brief shining: Disturbing news. PSA went way up. Surprised everybody. Especially me. Bupathi says we’re so close to the trial, maybe April 8th for first treatment, that it makes sense to go forward. I hope actinium is a wonder drug.<\/p>\n
The trial has three arms. It matters, a lot, which arm I get assigned to.<\/p>\n Randomization. An ugly word. Happens probably tomorrow. That’s when I’ll know. Or soon after.<\/p>\n A high PSA with multiple new metastases. Not a place I want to be. But. It’s where I am. I’m in need of something to slow down this latest run.<\/p>\n An ornery beast, this cancer of mine. Hiding, biding its time. When a treatment fails, it leaps out with a roar. As oncologist Kristie said, “This disease will run its course.”<\/p>\n I want my PSA lower, much lower. I want my cancer pushed back. If I can get a year, a year plus before having to change protocols, I’ll feel good. May not happen. I fear a minimal response.<\/p>\n My weariness peaked last week.\u00a0 How do I get through this? I’m not alone.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Yesterday. An accidental confluence. Ana came first: dusting, vacuuming, cleaning sinks and toilets. Tara came second, bearing cheeseburgers from Marshdale Burgers. Tater tots, too. Dr. Josy came, too. She had dog poop removal equipment.<\/p>\n Ana has been cleaning my house since before Kate died.<\/p>\n Tara I’ve known for over ten years. She brings her black Doodle, Eleanor, over to the house for a Shadow play date. While the dogs play, we talk.<\/p>\n Yesterday, in addition to bringing lunch, Tara brought in my canned water and put it in the fridge. Then, she unloaded my dishwasher. She also brought soup.<\/p>\n Dr. Josy scooped up all of Shadow’s poop deposited after the dog run went into effect.\u00a0She also walked the perimeter of my fence, finding two trouble spots. Which Tara volunteered Arjean to fix.<\/p>\n Key elements of my resilience.<\/p>\n Love Spring and the Moon of Liberation Thursday gratefuls: Dr. Josy. Tara and Eleanor. Marshdale Burgers. Ana. No winter winter. Shadow and the puzzle. Rene Good. Alex Pretti. Say their names. Sparks of Joy and Awe: Women Kavannah: Areyvut. Mutual responsibility.\u00a0 All humans are accountable one to another. Tarot: #11, The Woodward. Cancer requires an … Continue reading Push Cancer Back<\/span> <\/a><\/p>\n
\nAn empty dishwasher.
\nA clean dog run.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"