![\"\"](\"http:\/\/www.ancientrails.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/02\/five-of-bows-empowerment.jpg\")
<\/a>Kavannah: Wonder. Malchut. cuTo salad. Mark in Hafar. Meds.<\/p>\nTarot: Five of Bows, empowerment.\u00a0 “…the battles you face are not necessarily for destruction, but to test and validate your inner power, leading to genuine empowerment.” May it be so.<\/p>\n
One brief shining: I lay there on the exam table while Samantha fussed with the EKG machine. Needed more paper, the red horizontal grids. She tried various positions, but had to call in Lee. I asked why I had to take this again.<\/p>\n
“The other one expired,” she said with a sardonic chuckle. The extended runup to the actinium trial. Long enough that the EKG I took a month ago was no longer current. “Just another example of our broken healthcare system.”<\/p>\n I like Samantha. She taught ESL in Bangkok. Too humid. “I wanted someplace drier. We’ve lived in Colorado for ten years.”<\/p>\n I drive down Shadow Mountain, down 285. Down the hill. Takes about forty-five minutes adding in a long stretch west on 470. The neck brace reduces exhaustion while driving. Its chief benefit.<\/p>\n I’m not completely fed up with the broken health care system. Not yet. I could get there. The physical demands of driving. Drug side effects. Imaging. Appointments.<\/p>\n It wears me down. I get home, peel off my neck brace, grab a cold water, and plunk down in my chair. Done for the day.<\/p>\n Here’s the irony. Stage 4 is no longer a death sentence. New drugs. New treatments like actinium. I so appreciate all the research. However. The longer I’m kept alive–my goal and my oncological teams–the more dramatic and invasive the treatments.<\/p>\n Costs go up, too. Erleada and Orgovyx. Drugs I’ve taken since 2019. Eight-hundred to nine-hundred dollars each. Monthly. Modest by the standards of other cancer drugs. Privilege. I have the money. I wonder about others.<\/p>\n Early on in this journey I could have had an axion scan. Insurance denied it. 35 sessions of radiation aimed at defined cancer activity. A possible cure. I got radiation to the place where my prostate used to be. 50% of returning cancer shows up there. Wasn’t where mine was.<\/p>\n Litigating the past derails the journey. Could I have been cured? Maybe. I wasn’t. Irrelevant today.<\/p>\n Today, eleven years later, I’m awaiting word on my randomization for the trial. Thursday. Samantha said they all hope I get into the actinium plus the souped up Erleada arm. That touched me. These RMCC folks. Kind. Helpful. Smart<\/p>\n My response to this trial will indicate my future path. If positive, I’ve got years ahead of me. If not…<\/p>\n Get an EKG. Spring and the Moon of Liberation Tuesday gratefuls: Neck brace. Frailty. Horror. The Big C. Laura Linney. Oliver Platt. Spice Ranch Fusion. Iran. Israel. U.S. Rene Good. Alex Pretti. Say their names. Sparks of Joy and Awe:\u00a0 Eggs Kavannah: Wonder. Malchut. cuTo salad. Mark in Hafar. Meds. Tarot: Five of Bows, empowerment.\u00a0 “…the battles … Continue reading The Costs. Of Staying Alive<\/span> <\/a><\/p>\n
\nSign papers.
\nKeep going.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"