Spring and the Moon of Liberation<\/p>\n
Artemis:\u00a0 Miles from 244,850 earth. Miles from moon 26,740. As of 5:06 am, April 6th, 2026.<\/p>\n
Monday gratefuls: Eggs. Oatmeal. Kitchen. House cleaner. Medical Guardian. Artemis II nearing moon. Michigan v. Uconn.<\/p>\n
Rene Good. Alex Pretti. Say their names.<\/p>\n
Sparks of Joy and Awe: Integrity.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Kavannah: Hakarat Hatov.\u00a0 Gratitude.\u00a0 \u201cWho is rich? Those who rejoice in their own portion.\u201d Pirkei Avot (4:1)<\/p>\n
Tarot: paused<\/p>\n
One brief shining: I blocked myself yesterday. I didn’t want another entry in the distress cycle, a straight run from April 1st. Couldn’t think of anything else. Also, I had stomach and intestinal issues. Thinking straight was not in the cards.<\/p>\n
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This morning. Still the gut issues. Not as intense. Dispiriting.<\/p>\n
When my body aches. My mind responds.<\/p>\n
Yesterday I had to sit myself down and have a talk. About casual cruelties against myself. I know, I said, the distraction and pain don’t give us much of a buffer to work with.<\/p>\n
The rest of us hears it. Over and over. Does that apply to the sick part of us?\u00a0 The part that missed our phone call with our boy.<\/p>\n
Bad hand grip. I’m going to die. Low stamina. Why are you not on the treadmill. You’re impossible!<\/p>\n
What I’m proposing is a gentler version of self-talk. Ah, I see we’re having trouble opening that jar. You stumbled on the way to the\u00a0 kitchen. This is a surprise? No. It’s who I am right now.<\/p>\n
This stumbling guy. This cancer trial guy. A father, a brother, a grandpa. A reader, a writer, a friend to the other. A man.<\/p>\n
A man who deserves your compassion and concern, not your judgment or contempt.<\/p>\n
Hangs head. Yes, I know. I want to do that, I do. But in the moment of pain. You can no longer do what you used to. I worry. Is this the slope? Work harder. Please.<\/p>\n
Not very dignified, eh? No. At some point I catch on to the negative self-take. Big sigh. Charlie, not again. Then I sit myself down with myself. Self-compassion is on the agenda. Even if I am weak, I remain Charlie. With limits–as always. Just different ones.<\/p>\n
Got my notice for a pre-trial start up appointment. I imagine I’ll get my first treatment date. I need to get started. Yes. I’ve chosen to surrender myself to the trial, to the new drugs. I chose this.<\/p>\n
All of the treatments will be in Rocky Mountain Cancer Care’s midtown office near Presbyterian.<\/p>\n
Kate, on her death bed, told me: Trust your doctors.\u00a0 Zip up. Abandon the rabbit holes. The critiquing. Lean in.<\/p>\n
With all the upset and uncertainty of the last year plus I hope these trials can calm the worried me.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Watch.<\/p>\n
Storms come and go.<\/p>\n
Shelter.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Spring and the Moon of Liberation Artemis:\u00a0 Miles from 244,850 earth. Miles from moon 26,740. As of 5:06 am, April 6th, 2026. Monday gratefuls: Eggs. Oatmeal. Kitchen. House cleaner. Medical Guardian. Artemis II nearing moon. Michigan v. Uconn. Rene Good. Alex Pretti. Say their names. Sparks of Joy and Awe: Integrity. Kavannah: Hakarat Hatov.\u00a0 … Continue reading Casual Cruelties<\/span>