Beltane Early Growth Moon
Saw John Desteian this morning. We discussed the numinous after I described the moment that had brought me to see him–Back out, Kona sick, Kate gone, bee packages arrived, weather dank, all of which has resolved, but at the time I felt overwhelmed. Dark.
I told him thanks for what he’s done for me over the now 25+ years that I’ve seen him. Guided me through the miserable end of the marriage to Raeone through the transition out of the ministry, into marriage with Kate, but most important into a deeper and more dynamic relationship with my Self.
We didn’t schedule another session because I answered the question of where’s the color in my life. In Kate, Kona, Rigel, Vega, Gertie, the vegetable garden, the orchard, the perennials, the Woolly Mammoths: Bill, Tom, Scott, Stefan, Charlie, Frank, Paul, Jim, Mark, Warren, art, writing, translating, exercising.
I experience the numinous at various points in all of these settings though the most frequent, the most important moments occur with the world of plants. In place of the relationship with an autocratic though loving external to this reality god I now have a visceral, deeply personal relationship with the all, that is, the all on which I am dependent and with which I am, at the same time, interdependent. I mean by this that my life depends on photosynthesis and I can feel that dependency when I walk through the garden. The interdependence manifests there, too, with planting, thinning, tending, harvesting.
(Young Jee)
This immediate experience I have in the garden only seems to be about this land, though it is, certainly, about this land. It is in this land and on this land that I connect physically, emotionally, spiritually to the ever changing elements of the cosmos, those all borne out of that big expansion so long ago, still migrating, still on pilgrimage throughout the vastness of the universe.
This fills me with awe and a sense of my incredibly tiny presence among all this, yet, it also affirms my unique and individual presence, a never before amalgam of stardust and history, fated for this time, thrown into this time to use Heidegger’s wonderful phrase, and gifted with the particularity that only I can express.
Thus, I am a tiny piece of a gigantic and dynamic whole and at the same time an individual, one of a kind, offered to this time as a one and done gift. This is, of course, not just me, but all of us, all of everything, enjoying our moment, contributing what we can, then fading back into the tapestry, yes, but a tapestry whose design is different because we have been.
Color.
