assisted Living, Commentary on the news, Family, Fourth Phase, Health, Politics, Shadow Mountain

Sad News

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Gloria Steinman. Dead. She taught me so much. Through her writing and organizing, but more through the women she inspired. The ones I knew well.

It’s been a sad couple of weeks: Dolly Parton, Tim Curry, and the actor who voiced Optimus Prime. Figures who stood out: music, quirky acting, Transformer movies, and now feminist organizing. Even the idols of our youth are mortal.

I have, since early seminary days, considered myself a feminist. Gratitude to Gloria Steinman, Betty Friedan, and others who pushed second wave feminism onto the national stage. The personal is political.

 

More sad news. When Carol, my p.t. person from Mount Evans Home Health Care, came yesterday, she told me they were being shut down as of September 30th. That leaves us mountain folk with no access to in home physical or occupational therapy. Would have made my recovery much slower, especially when I was just out of rehab and very weak.

There is still physical therapy up here, but getting to it requires a car, a driver, and sufficient mobility. Many cannot meet those criteria. A rural life problem. Not unique to us, rather shared by people who live far from urban centers. Health care for any who live in spots where economy of scale works against them. A tragedy. At the most personal level.

 

Robin and Connie spent three hours packing books yesterday. Move preparation. Had a guy come up yesterday to inspect my roof, too. More sad news, I’ve got to replace my roof on the house and garage. Making it worse. Not enough hail damage. Meaning this will be an out of pocket expense. Yikes.

Ruth and Gabe will finish pulling books on Friday. They’re coming up to be with me on the anniversary of Jon’s death in 2022. This is the hard date for them. Ruth in particular since she found her dad dead on his basement couch.

I’ve not gotten word on when his yahrzeit will be remembered at Beth Evergreen, but they will probably come up then, too. Say kaddish with the worshippers.

 

Melissa now makes me a hot meal every weekday evening. A real treat. Last night. Hot sausage with baked beans and coleslaw followed by a baked apple dessert. Until a week from Friday.

Gutters get cleaned today. All windows washed on Monday. With new roofs? What a fine sight to see.

 

Great Wheel, Holidays, Judaism

A Spiritual Audit

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Sorry about that unedited first line yesterday. I reread my posts to check for errors. Apparently I didn’t for that one.

Nights have become cooler as the calendar turned over to September. What to look forward to in September:

Harvest Moon

Mabon. The fall equinox. (for us northern hemisphere types)

Michaelmas on the 29th. The springtime of the soul.

The main harvest. Drive across Nebraska and see the combine crews gathering in wheat.

The start of the NFL season.

Labor Day.

Night beginning to overtake the day.

My favorite time of year. Through Samain, the Winter Solstice, and New Year’s Day.

Elul. The Jewish lunar month that proceeds Rosh Hashana, the new year celebrating the creation of the world and humanity. In preparation for this new year (one of four) we engage in cheshbon nefesh, an accounting of the soul. As with most things Jewish, its aim is to live well in this life.

Here’s a summary from Gemini of what this entails:

1. Carve Out Dedicated Time

Cheshbon nefesh requires stepping away from the noise of daily life. It is often done in a quiet space where you can be alone with your thoughts. Some people do a brief version of this daily before sleep, but during Elul, it becomes a more profound, deliberate practice of reviewing the entire past year.

2. Review Your Actions and Relationships

Take an honest look at your behavior, habits, and interactions. You might ask yourself questions like:

  • How did I treat my family, friends, and strangers this year?

  • Did I act with integrity in my work and daily obligations?

  • Where did my patience fail?

  • Did I waste time or miss opportunities to help others?

3. Acknowledge Shortcomings Honestly

The goal is to confront your mistakes without falling into despair or toxic guilt. It is an objective “accounting” where you tally up the emotional and spiritual ledger. You recognize where you missed the mark (the Jewish concept of chet) so that you can correct the course.

4. Make Amends (Seek Forgiveness)

A critical component of this accounting is realizing who you have hurt. Jewish tradition teaches that God cannot forgive transgressions against other people until you have sought forgiveness from the people themselves. This means making the difficult phone calls, writing the letters, and offering genuine apologies to those you have wronged.

5. Commit to Change (Teshuvah)

Cheshbon nefesh is not just about feeling sorry; it is action-oriented. Once you have identified your spiritual debts, you make a concrete plan for how to handle things differently in the coming year. It is about actively returning to your best self and aligning your actions with your values.

assisted Living, Dogs, Fourth Phase, Shadow Mountain

Ready. Set.

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Natalie gave me a good idea for Shadow, walk her on a leash every 2-3 hours. I see the point; but, I can’t walk without the walker. Something I have proven to myself more than once. Falls. I just messaged Natalie asking for more ideas.

I am going to try to walk with her while I stay close to the chain link fence. One hand on the leash, one hand on the fence. Might work. It worked. Sort of. I held onto the fence, didn’t fall. She came along. I did this right after she ate, hoping she would need to pee or poop. Didn’t happen. I can do this every three hours or so. Not really a walk, but as close as I can get. Melissa can take her on a walk.

Melissa started her new schedule yesterday. She made Shepherd’s Pie and a salad for my evening meal. She also made breakfast for this morning and a lunch. That will be our rhythm for the next two weeks.

Working on moving tasks. USPS change of address. A roofer to assess my roof. A septic tank person to do a mandatory examination of my septic system. I have a comprehensive list of tasks I need to do. Checking it twice.

Joe’s coming on the 13th. He’ll leave on the 18th. Will be good to have him here during the transition.

 

 

Aging, assisted Living, Family, Fourth Phase, Health, Shadow Mountain

Go figure

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Mary left for Houston. She’ll be visiting our cousin on the Ellis side, Libby Watkins. Mary loves Tex-Mex and has a favorite spot. On Friday she leaves for LAX where she boards Singapore Air.

She spent almost exactly three months. Cleaning the whole house one room at a time, then collaborating with Robin, helping with the move to Elk Run and general house clearing. Not to mention acting as a foster mom to Shadow. I’ll miss her.

By the time she returns to Melbourne in two weeks spring will be underway. If the weather gods grant us mercy, we’ll be feeling like fall.

By some paradox I’m stronger now than when Mary came. I had a tough time starting in April just before my trial infusion. It continued into May and early June when Mary arrived. Now, after pneumonia and the ICU, I’m mentally clear, exercising, and looking forward to the move. Go figure.

A summer of constant guests, friends, family. Busiest this house has been since we moved here. Played a role I imagine in helping my recovery. I also think the physical struggles of July: pneumonia and rehab forced me into a get better or really sink place.

Those struggles also cracked open my attitude about living alone. Even though I feel better than I have most of this year, I’m still very weak. Need a walker. Tire quickly. Can’t cook or move around the house. Not driving. Realized I wouldn’t feel safe on my own any longer. A bitter conclusion, yet true.

So… Elk Run.

assisted Living, Dogs, Fourth Phase, Shadow Mountain

Two Worries

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Two worries.

That Shadow will be unable to handle the transition and I won’t be able to see her through it. She goes out often during the day. She won’t be able to do that. She pees and poops on her own now. At Elk Run she’ll have do both on a leash. I’m concerned she’ll find that hard.

I’m going to try to walk her myself with the walker. Better for her and good exercise for me. Not sure I can handle every walk right now. My stamina has already improved quite a bit. More to come.

 

That there will be glitches, expensive ones, as the house gets cleared out and put on the market. Always a possibility. Most concerning. I’ll have to low ball the price and end up with less cash than I want. This would effect the length of time I can pay my own way at Elk Run.

 

Neither of these will happen for sure. The degree of impact either could have on me though. A lot.

On the house I’ve hired Matt and Robin to clear out the house, stage it, and sell it. I trust both of them. They will do the best they can which is all l can expect. Real estate transactions have many ways to cause trouble. May it not be so.

On Shadow. I will contact Dr. Josy and Natalie (Shadow’s trainer) and get their thoughts. Ginny and Janice will take her on Monday, the 14th, and keep her until the 16th or 17th. Keep out of chaos of packing and moving. That way she and I will be in as neutral a position as possible.

In both instances–and I do know this–I’ll do what I can. The rest? Beyond my control.

Neither affects my excitement about this move. I’m ready, even eager, to go.

 

assisted Living, Shadow Mountain

Leaving

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And so they leave. Tara and Ajran. Tom, yesterday. This morning BJ. Monday morning, Mary. I’ve enjoyed having people in the house. Not my usual situation. Since Kate died, I’ve lived alone. Content with my own company, and regular get togethers with friends.

Though I’ll be alone for two weeks, when I move to Elk Run, there will be many people around. I intend to guard my solitude, but I also want to meet new people, socialize.

Finding that balance, making exercise regular, walking/caring for Shadow-all critical early on.

After my nap, I’m going upstairs to choose which books I want to take from those in the living room. Many, I imagine.

assisted Living, Family, Fourth Phase, Friends, Shadow Mountain

Coming and going

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Tom left the house about 10, headed for DIA. We had another of our quiet, laid back visits.  35+ years makes for communication at the heart level. So good to see him.

Mary has been up in the loft, pulling books off shelves. A yellow pad has my book title scrawls on it for all 20 bookshelves plus some books on the floor and in freestanding book cases. Curating a smaller library for Elk Run. 5 shelves worth. A lot of books. Shadow accompanies her. A helper.

BJ is here, continuing her and Pammy’s search for a place outside a trans-hostile Idaho. Hope they find something that fits them.

Thought about going out to breakfast with Tom. Nope. When planning to heat up leftover moo shu pork, I turned quickly, my hip gave out. Tom grabbed me. Thanks, dude. Not yet ready to be away from home.

Melissa’s new hours start on Monday. She’ll be here from 3 to 5. I plan to have her make an evening meal, something for breakfast, and a sandwich for lunch. She’ll also do some laundry, help me shower.

Looks like Joe and Seoah can’t be here until the last week of September. Good to see them anytime.

A Dopy Don stiff wave good-bye.

assisted Living, Fourth Phase, Shadow Mountain

Alone. Again.

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Days of many visitors. Tom flew in yesterday. BJ got in later in the evening. Mary’s time here ends this coming Monday. Adrian is in Holland; Tara in Barcelona.

Tom’s here for one of our visits. He rang the bell at the Mayo radiation clinic outside Northfield. All radiation completed. Last week. Always so good to see him.

BJ drove to Bailey this morning. Looking at more houses with Robert. One of them has 6,000+ square feet! She’ll be here till Saturday; Tom leaves Friday. End result? On Monday I’ll be alone for the first time since May.

Except. Melissa will be here for a couple of hours in the afternoon, 3-5, Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday in addition to her regular hours on Tuesday and Friday. Meals. Laundry. Trash.

Mary starts pulling books this afternoon. We meet Robin tomorrow at 2 to go over next steps. After the 16th Robin and Matt will work together to clear out the house, stage it, and get it on the market.

Rock on.

assisted Living, Fourth Phase, Shadow Mountain

Getting ready

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Preparations for the move to Elk Run continue. Robin found out I can have a microwave and coffee maker, but no electric blanket. Also, the apartment will be warmer than I like. I’ll have to adapt.

Ordered my new adjustable frame bed from Dreamcloud. With their premier hybrid mattress. La di dah. It will ship directly to Elk Run.

My new address:

31383 Frost Way, #308

Evergreen, Co.  80439

I love it. Elk Run on Frost Way in Evergreen. Cool.

Also, Robin showed me the final layout for my furniture. Will be cozy and easy to use.

I’ve spent two days now with photographs of my library’s bookshelves. I look at the volumes, decide which ones to take to Elk Run, write them down. A long, long list. Mary will pull them off the shelves and put them on the floor. When the packer comes, she’ll put them into boxes.

I’ll need a second pass to see what I want to store. After that? Donate or sell.

Ruth has selected what she wants. I’m storing it for her.

More on the move to come.

Fourth Phase, Great Wheel, Memories, Plants, Weather +Climate, Wild Neighbors

Amorous Bulls and Hyperphagic Bears

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The nights grow longer. Temperatures have cooled. The main harvest is only weeks away. We’re moving toward Samhain, or Summer’s End. First though we gather the bounty of the growing season over the long harvest that begins in Lughnasa and extends toward the end of Mabon.

I’ve written about back to school nostalgia. There’s also, for this Midwestern boy, memories of coming over a slight hill on a gravel road. Once in a while, during this time of year, a lumbering combine or a big John Deere pulling a corn picker can suddenly appear. Brakes. Gravel dust. Becoming part of the slow procession.

In the fields corn stands tall and green, its ears prominent in their maturity. Row after parallel row of corn. A major crop where I grew up. Alfalfa, too. Not much wheat, the fields often too small. Unlike the vast plantings in Nebraska. Soy beans, a lot of soy beans. Farmers would say, “I grow corn and beans.”

In my life harvest is not abstract or metaphorical. It is basic, predictable, woven into our fall days. Up here in the Rockies fall announces itself through hyperphagic bears tipping over garbage bins and that strange sound, the bugling of an amorous Elk bull. After 67 years in the Midwest I still look for slow-moving harvest machinery.