Category Archives: Fourth Phase

Elk Run, Fourth Phase, Health

Good

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All right. Been down in the weeds for the last few posts. This fall, that fall. Fun with driving. A person might conclude life’s not going well for me. Not so.

I’m at Elk Run, where I need to be. Shadow sleeps beside my front door. I eat three meals a day. Starlink has given me the tv reception and laptop speed I wanted. Friends and family visit. I’ve got books, a laptop, drawing supplies.

My physical condition challenges me. Often, a lot. None of it, except the more frequent falls, is new. Dealing with cancer, head drop, deconditioning, recovering from my bout with pneumonia.

A mixed situation, yes. As are most of ours. We are not just one thing.

My boy turns 45 tomorrow. Yikes. Me old.

Hoping for  blue tsunami. Wash that guy right out of our hair.

Aging, Elk Run, Fourth Phase, Health, Recovery

No Fool Like An…

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Talking with Paul Strickland. Both of us observing a paradoxical experience of growing old. Forgetting that who we are is not who we used to be. Especially physically.

A task may come up. Say, cleaning leaves out of a gutter. Perhaps moving a tree fallen on the hiking trail. Oh, sure. I can do that. Did it lots of time. I hope your inner old person speaks up. Right then. No ladders. No. Test your leverage with with the tree. Any twinges? Stop.

We both agreed. We check ourselves when those situations arise. Uh huh.

Take a for instance. Yesterday I had a blood draw. Nearby. Over on Stagecoach. Ruby was here awaiting finalization of a deal with Robin. A close by, ten minute appointment. Oh sure. I can do that.

I had decided a week ago that I could handle it. Don’t have to get a ride. Easy.

First obstacle. My cane and I headed outside and down the slope to the parking lot. Not level, like everything inside. Oh. Required careful balance. I managed it, got to Ruby, and let my attention wander from my feet to the car’s interior.

Still on a slope. Suddenly my left shoulder hit the blessedly soft grass and Mother Earth. Oh, sure. Done it lots of times. Took a while to get back on my feet, but I managed it.

Then. Should I go through with this? What if I fell on the asphalt. As you might imagine, I chose the obvious. Drove myself to the blood draw. Got in and out ok. Found a parking spot near Elk Run’s entrance, got out. Signed back in and flopped in a  lounge chair to regather my energy.

Last time I’ll drive. Went well under the speed limit, driving like an old person. I was not safe and neither were others. A poor choice.

Left the lobby and got back home. 308 is in his bed.

Elk Run, Fourth Phase, Great Wheel, Holidays, Plants, Shadow Mountain, The Move

Next up: A time of rest

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Ah. A rainy, cool Thursday. Fall declaring itself. My neighbor and friend John went back to his hometown of Rome, New York for a wedding. A plant guy at heart he reported on the reds, the oranges lighting the upstate New York landscape.

A fiery end to the growing season. Leading up to Samain, Summer’s End. In the ancient Celtic calendar there were only two holidays: Beltane, the start of the growing season, and Samain, Summer’s End, which marks the turn toward the fallow months. The season of life abundant and the season of life at rest.

Robin came yesterday. She has her ways, honed over thirty years in senior moves. Decluttering. Organizing. Making a space both useful and beautiful. I’m her last move. She retired this month.

I’ve appreciated her guidance, her persistence in clearing out my house. She and her husband Dennie are also buying my car. I had Melissa help me figure out how to value it and sell it.

Cheri Rubin, Alan’s wife, came by for a visit. She’s high energy, already back at salsa dancing, her passion, after hip surgery earlier this year. A fun talk with her. Another instance of location, location, location. Cheri left Elk Run for the synagogue.

In the last three days I’ve seen a fox, a bear, and two elk yearlings. Love the mountains.

 

Cancer, Elk Run, Fourth Phase, Health

Not Yet

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Spoke with my oncologist P.A., Christina. Gonna try one more treatment, Pluvicto. Another radioligand one, similar to actinium. Radioligand is “a specialized precision medicine molecule that combines a targeting compound (a ligand) with a radioactive isotope to locate and destroy cancer cells.” Gemini

Pluvicto, harsher than actinium, will require Shadow to be away from me for three days while I quarantine in my apartment. Radioactive. Six infusions, every six weeks. If the liver mets respond, my prognosis improves.

A long and winding road, cancer. Twelve years, almost. Colorado time and cancer time-the same. Weary from it. Not hopeless. Not despairing. But weary.

However. Three full meals a day. A kind and caring staff. Good friends. Family. No more grounds or house to care for. Someday long term care insurance paying my tab. Stress reduced. Life enhanced.

I’ll do what I can. My own life wants that. However. It does not want pain. Or fear. So there may come a point when continuing to live becomes unbearable. Not yet.

 

Cancer, Elk Run, Fourth Phase, Health

A Fork in the Road

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So. New PETscan shows liver metastases. Not a good result. A next treatment-whatever it might be-will determine a lot. Discussing that with oncologist today. A little shaken though not surprised. This might bring death closer. If so, so be it.

I’ve been wrestling with cancer and its treatments since May of 2015. Up and down. Down and back up. Grim findings began when my PSA jumped in 2016. A few months after clear margins from my prostatectomy. From cured to not cured.

I focus on today. On what I can do. What’s within my power. My agency. Most of the time. But. On occasion a future possibility becomes a present certainty. Like death from a damaged liver. Felt real after I read the petscan results.  My inside opened up, an emptiness below. Then. Maybe, maybe not. But not today. I came back to Shadow, to breakfast. To Ancientrails.

I made this move to Elk Run at the right moment. If I am going to get sicker, room 308 is far better than Shadow Mountain. It’s also better for the time when I’m not sicker. Less stress, more day-to-day joy.

Another branch of my Ancientrail.

Elk Run, Fourth Phase

People of Elk Run

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My neighbor, John, has a long history of custodial jobs, interspersed with occasional gardening work. Along the way he’s learned a lot. History of upstate New York where he lived in Rome on the Erie Canal. Horticultural knowledge like the care and pruning of roses. Environmental issues through his brother’s work as Sierra Club staff in Missoula, Montana.

John does volunteer work here on the grounds of Elk Run.

Marsha, an elementary school teacher has lived in Evergreen for sixty-four years.  She eats at a familiar table with Mike who lived in her neighborhood as did Ruth who sits at the table across the way. They didn’t know each other.

Jim’s from Kansas City. Another Mike from Texas. One woman, who never gave me her name says she gets moved a lot. She likes Elk Run. One of the best according to her. I’ve met others. Paul. Gayle, originally from New Hampshire. Melanie who has dragons on her door. She volunteered that she leaves her door open and “blasts country music.”

Slowly meeting people.

Elk Run, Fourth Phase, Judaism

Hannah

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Hannah. A slender, tall African woman. Always friendly, helpful. Came into my apartment yesterday and began enthusing about my books. Bemoaning the books she’d left behind. Said she spent her paycheck on books. “I never thought I’d see someone that loved books as much as I do.”

When she told me she spoke French, I asked what country she was from. Nigeria. She came here for college, her father paying. He died just after she finished her second year. Put stop to college. Her marriage then was young. She stayed here. Fifteen years ago.

She looked at my books, pulling out favorites like Chaucer. “Oh, this one is funny. I think Shakespeare got some ideas from him.” A shame a woman of her intellect had to settle.

Then, “Oh, you have the Torah.”

“Well. I’m a Jew.”

She stopped for a second, “So am I.” Hannah keeps a kosher house and has raised her children as Jews. Her parents converted before she was born.

We were both amazed. Book lovers and Jews. That’s a strong connection. We agreed to do something around Hannukah.

In the odd way of senior care, later that evening she helped me get dressed for bed. Which involved me getting briefly naked. No problem: caregivers role.

Thus endeth Monday.

Elk Run, Fourth Phase, Friends, Health

LTC policy

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Big event of the day. I filed my claim with Allianz. Long Term Care policy. The initial intake took about 45 minutes. Chronic illness? Prostate cancer. Trouble with activities of daily living, aka ADLs? Showering. Dressing. Other questions. These were the important ones.

Allianz now sends queries to Elk Run, Visiting Angels, Sue Bradshaw, Dr. Bupathi. At some point a decision gets made. Often a first denial, sometimes a second, then my financial people will step in. Help me.

Once approved there’s a 90-day waiting period before payment begins. That means I have to pay for Elk Run on my own for at least three months.  I will get a check covering all of Visiting Angel’s invoice. The LTC policy will also cover my bill at Elk Run. Can’t wait.

Carol, my physical therapist, came by for our last visit. As I mentioned before, her entire department, Mt. Evans Home Health Care, got axed. Announced only three weeks ago. September 30th is her last day. I snuck in as a last patient to be fully discharged.

Exercise has been hard to keep up as I learn a new routine, have visitors, and remain fatigued. I need it though or I will never dig myself even part way out of the deep hole left over from my medical July. Note to self: do it.

The cardboard wall of book boxes behind me has vanished like the Berlin Wall. Ginny and Janice. Many boxes remain; many have left the building empty. Closer and closer to moved in.

 

Dogs, Elk Run, Fourth Phase, Shadow Mountain

Elk Run. Shadow Mountain.

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So Shadow peed, a little bit, on the carpet. Going to call housekeeping for their advise, help. Not with her, with the carpet. She’s doing so much better than I feared. This is a blip.

I’ve taken all my meals in the apartment since she came back on Thursday. Wanted to give her a few days where I was with her around the clock. Today I plan to eat lunch in the dining room. Leave her alone for a while. A process.

The staff has been diligent about taking her out though due to their other duties walk times have fluctuated by as much forty-minutes to an hour. Dogs like routine so this isn’t ideal, but it’s the best I can expect.

Most of the staff love dogs so she’s getting good care from walkers that appreciate her. Only one hesitated in the doorway, insisted I put the leash on her. An urban gal, Mashay explained that since it was beginning to get dark it would soon be dangerous, “You know. Bears. Raccoons. Mountain Lions.” Her fear was palpable. Bet she knows how to deal with a city night, one many would find intimidating.

Several of the caregivers drive up the hill from Lakewood, Denver. That means early morning drives on I-70. Right now that’s not too bad since they’re driving against traffic. Come the snow, however, it will clog up with ski traffic and/or accidents. Would not surprise me if November, early December finds new caregivers at work.

It has been a September of yesteryear. Cooling gradually. The days grow shorter. Some rain. I find it nostalgic.  A reminder of how far we have strayed from back to school, football evenings. The slow slide from cool nights to cool days, harvest weather. How wonderful it’s been.

Robin and Connie worked Friday getting Shadow Mountain organized. Move to storage. Donate. Consign. Haul as trash. Four different paths.

Marina Harris, of Furball Cleaning, my long time house cleaners, comes on Monday to see where rooms might need touch up painting. She will also schedule the deep clean that will precede staging. The locksmith who will rekey the house will come this week, too. Will be glad when the house returns money to me rather than laying out cash here and there, everywhere.

 

Dogs, Elk Run, Fourth Phase

A Good Start

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Second sleep finished. Can open windows and have a fan. Good sleeping. Haven’t played with my new bed yet. It goes up and down, massages, among other tricks.

Feeling a bit less frazzled. Packing and moving days stressed me. Even with Joe and Robin handling the load. A bit jittery. Hard to focus. Also waiting in the lobby while my stuff went by on dollies, carried in arms. Further waiting while Robin tried to get my room set up.

Behind me now. Two nights here already. Food is good. Plenty of choice. Residents and staff have positive, friendly attitudes. I like it here.

Book boxes line my living room, empty IKEA Billy bookshelves waiting for them. My old plasma tv cannot be mounted. Has to go back. Another of my tv’s, a newer one will need to take its place. Sort of things to be expected in a move.

Shadow has been here since yesterday morning. Ginny and Janice brought her by on their way to yoga. She’s relaxed, except for guarding the door. She barks at people passing by. I imagine that will calm over time.

She gets taken out five times a day for now. Natalie, her dog trainers idea: 7, 10, 1, 4:30, 7. She has peed twice on the leash, but no pooping yet. Peeing while being walked is good news. Much less likely to happen here on the carpet. Good girl, good girl!

A good start overall.