Category Archives: Family

assisted Living, Elk Run, Family, Fourth Phase, Shadow Mountain

Leaving Home

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Moving day. Tonight. A new home for the first time in nearly twelve years. New bed, too. Our king size would have occupied most of the bedroom. New scenery out the window. Close neighbors. A major change.

I’m a little numb from packing day. Way too much activity in my normally quiet house. Joe took over for me. So glad he’s here. Not excited yet. Depleted. That will change as we get deeper into the day. Joe’s going to help me unpack.

Yesterday there were four packers. They worked for six hours, carefully packing my arts and craft lamps (4), books of course, games. As George Carlin would remind me, my stuff.

Today Cowboy Moving sends a moving crew. They’ll load and unload, putting my chairs, bookcases, lamps where Robin designates. I’ve already approved the locations.

I’m buying padded folding chairs to accommodate multiple guests. Plus a beefed up card table for paperwork, games. I want to continue having guests as I do now.

Still a bit hard. Knowing about the change, yet writing in the same location I’ve used for years. The familiar lodgepoles out the window. Artemis. Reality will seep in as the day progresses.

Until tomorrow from apartment 308

 

 

Asia, assisted Living, Dogs, Family, Fourth Phase, Friends

An Ending, A Beginning

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Joe got in late Sunday night. Around 9:30. I stayed up, well past my bedtime. It was so good to see him again. We talked for a while. He got Seoah on the phone and I got to say gidday to her. She said good night to me.

Mary wrote me from K.L. Her time in Singapore over, she’s spending time with Guru before leaving on Monday for Melbourne.

To complete sibling news Mark, still in Hafar, awaits word about other teaching positions. He has several resumes out. Hafar seems to agree with him, so he’d like to stay.

Ruth and Gabe came up Sunday afternoon. Gabe landed a work study job perfect for his interests. He works concerts and small ensembles. Chairs. Sound.

 

Joe and I did more curating. Smaller stuff: meds, games, clothing. A bit more to do even as the packers come today. Two small rooms and books in the loft that my helpers didn’t get to.

Ruth and Gabe and David came up last night They wanted to see Uncle Joe. Fun having three generations in the same room, talking and laughing.

Melissa’s final day. Prime filet mignon, baked potatoes, green beans with bacon. A berry cobbler for desert. Sad to part ways though she says she’ll visit. I believe she will. Maybe she’ll bring some of her chili. So good.

Ginny and Janice picked up Shadow last night. She’ll stay with them until Thursday, missing the chaos of packing and moving. I already have a short video of her exploring their yard and some photos of her doing the same inside.

So. It comes down to this. One more full day on Shadow Mountain. One more night in the king size bed. Then, presto! A new phase of mine and Shadow’s life begins.

At this point I’m just ready to get these two days behind me.

Commentary on the news, Family, Politics, US History, World History

Disruptions

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Resonance. Vibrations. JFK in Dallas. Martin Luther King in Memphis. 9/11.

I was sick, resting at home, and reading Le Morte d’Arthur. I know. There it was, the open Lincoln convertible with Jackie holding a slumped over JFK. Jack Ruby shooting Lee Harvey Oswald. The Texas Book Depository. I watched until my eyeballs went dry.

Later, LBJ. Model Cities. The Civil Rights and Voting Rights Acts. Then, sadly, Vietnam.

King on the Lorraine Motel balcony with Abernathy. James Earl Ray. A bullet severing King’s spinal column. Abernathy cradling his head. MLK had come to support striking sanitation workers. I loved this, seeing King make a turn toward economic justice issues.  He had also recently come out against the war in Vietnam.

In King’s place Ralph Abernathy, Jesse Jackson, Andrew Young, and John Lewis carried on his work, but MLK’s gravitas and personal power died with him.

Then. Look at this! What? I saw, along with millions, the hard to grasp scene of a passenger jet plowing into the World Trade Center. At first my brain had trouble accepting that scene as real. Later on fire, smoke, people plummeting to the ground. Flight 93. The Pentagon.

Bush’s declaration of a war on terror. Forever wars. Afghanistan. Iraq and Kuwait. Shock and awe. Twenty-five years later: Iran, Lebanon, Gaza all roiled up in the aftermath of 9/11.

Personal: Joseph. A freshman at the University of Minnesota. Pre-med after two trips to Guatemala with his step-mother/second mother, Kate.

A complicated emotion surged through him mixing pride in his adoptive nation and anger, yes, but more, surfacing a warrior  spirit perhaps prefigured in his skiing, his running. He felt the powerful call of a patriot determined to protect his country.

Soon he had visited a recruiter, switched his major to Astro-physics/Physics, and turned himself toward the military. Twenty-five years later he’s in command of Cobra Squadron on Osan AFB in South Korea.

assisted Living, Cancer, Family, Fourth Phase, Health

Tasks and Perennial Questions

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Organized money for the roof. Signing contract today. Work starts this week. Peak Window cleaning comes tomorrow AM. Getting the place in shape for listing this month.

Each day this month has tasks related to the Elk Run move. Yesterday and Friday address changes in addition to arranging the roof and the window cleaners.  Colorado DMV. Social Security/Medicare. Voter Registration. Fussy, often frustrating but so much easier online. Can you imagine doing this by snail mail or telephone?

More address changes and a first in a long time trip up to the loft today. Checking on the status of book pulling for volumes going to Elk Run.

 

Friday’s visit to the oncologist has me pondering existential questions. Death. Decline. Living fully. Where is my flourishing?

Philosophers talk about permanent questions. So do conservatives. “In philosophy and ethics, permanent questions (often called perennial questions) are the fundamental mysteries of human existence that never go away.” Gemini

These questions loom large during major transitions like moving to Elk Run. Getting a tough diagnosis. Death of a loved one.

Or when you enter your eighties. Charmingly known among some as the decade of death. Will be on my mind.

I miss talking with Mary over an early a.m. cup of coffee. She’s back in hot, humid Southeast Asia. In a week or so she’ll travel back to Melbourne where spring is springing.

 

Family, Fourth Phase, Health

The kids are ok.

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Ruth and Gabe came up yesterday. This September 4th, the third yahrzeit after Jon’s death in 2022, only a year after Kate’s. Glad they wanted to be here. They’re also sleeping over. Probably the last time.

They’ve been coming here for nearly eleven years. Ruth was 9 and Gabe 7 when we moved to Shadow Mountain. We wanted to be part of their lives. We were and I am.

A lot of good memories with them here. Sad ones, too. Family memories which include the full range of emotions. Grief over Kate and Jon’s death. Vega. Gertie. Rigel. Kepler. Joyful birthday and Hanukah celebrations. Thanksgivings. Just because weekends and sleepovers.

As they ate dinner, I said, “Wow. I have two college students here.” Yup, Gabe said. Gabe seems to have gained some traction at Regis. Smaller classes.

Ruth showed me the beautiful drawings she made of epithelial cells, muscle cells, cartilage. Study helps. They are beautiful, combining her first major, art, with her second, pre-med. Anatomy. Boring but necessary, heavy on memorization.

She’s also loving O-chem, a weed out class for pre-med students she says. Not for her. Kate loved organic chemistry and physical chemistry, another weed out class. Two bright women.

 

Forgot to say I walked into my oncology appointment. No walker. No cane. No stumbling or bumbling. Felt so good. Tiring, but not exhausting. I also got the seven vial treatment at my blood draw. Dark red blood pumping out of my left arm’s handy, findable vein. Into this vial, then the next.

assisted Living, Commentary on the news, Family, Fourth Phase, Health, Politics, Shadow Mountain

Sad News

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Gloria Steinman. Dead. She taught me so much. Through her writing and organizing, but more through the women she inspired. The ones I knew well.

It’s been a sad couple of weeks: Dolly Parton, Tim Curry, and the actor who voiced Optimus Prime. Figures who stood out: music, quirky acting, Transformer movies, and now feminist organizing. Even the idols of our youth are mortal.

I have, since early seminary days, considered myself a feminist. Gratitude to Gloria Steinman, Betty Friedan, and others who pushed second wave feminism onto the national stage. The personal is political.

 

More sad news. When Carol, my p.t. person from Mount Evans Home Health Care, came yesterday, she told me they were being shut down as of September 30th. That leaves us mountain folk with no access to in home physical or occupational therapy. Would have made my recovery much slower, especially when I was just out of rehab and very weak.

There is still physical therapy up here, but getting to it requires a car, a driver, and sufficient mobility. Many cannot meet those criteria. A rural life problem. Not unique to us, rather shared by people who live far from urban centers. Health care for any who live in spots where economy of scale works against them. A tragedy. At the most personal level.

 

Robin and Connie spent three hours packing books yesterday. Move preparation. Had a guy come up yesterday to inspect my roof, too. More sad news, I’ve got to replace my roof on the house and garage. Making it worse. Not enough hail damage. Meaning this will be an out of pocket expense. Yikes.

Ruth and Gabe will finish pulling books on Friday. They’re coming up to be with me on the anniversary of Jon’s death in 2022. This is the hard date for them. Ruth in particular since she found her dad dead on his basement couch.

I’ve not gotten word on when his yahrzeit will be remembered at Beth Evergreen, but they will probably come up then, too. Say kaddish with the worshippers.

 

Melissa now makes me a hot meal every weekday evening. A real treat. Last night. Hot sausage with baked beans and coleslaw followed by a baked apple dessert. Until a week from Friday.

Gutters get cleaned today. All windows washed on Monday. With new roofs? What a fine sight to see.

 

Aging, assisted Living, Family, Fourth Phase, Health, Shadow Mountain

Go figure

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Mary left for Houston. She’ll be visiting our cousin on the Ellis side, Libby Watkins. Mary loves Tex-Mex and has a favorite spot. On Friday she leaves for LAX where she boards Singapore Air.

She spent almost exactly three months. Cleaning the whole house one room at a time, then collaborating with Robin, helping with the move to Elk Run and general house clearing. Not to mention acting as a foster mom to Shadow. I’ll miss her.

By the time she returns to Melbourne in two weeks spring will be underway. If the weather gods grant us mercy, we’ll be feeling like fall.

By some paradox I’m stronger now than when Mary came. I had a tough time starting in April just before my trial infusion. It continued into May and early June when Mary arrived. Now, after pneumonia and the ICU, I’m mentally clear, exercising, and looking forward to the move. Go figure.

A summer of constant guests, friends, family. Busiest this house has been since we moved here. Played a role I imagine in helping my recovery. I also think the physical struggles of July: pneumonia and rehab forced me into a get better or really sink place.

Those struggles also cracked open my attitude about living alone. Even though I feel better than I have most of this year, I’m still very weak. Need a walker. Tire quickly. Can’t cook or move around the house. Not driving. Realized I wouldn’t feel safe on my own any longer. A bitter conclusion, yet true.

So… Elk Run.

assisted Living, Family, Fourth Phase, Friends, Shadow Mountain

Coming and going

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Tom left the house about 10, headed for DIA. We had another of our quiet, laid back visits.  35+ years makes for communication at the heart level. So good to see him.

Mary has been up in the loft, pulling books off shelves. A yellow pad has my book title scrawls on it for all 20 bookshelves plus some books on the floor and in freestanding book cases. Curating a smaller library for Elk Run. 5 shelves worth. A lot of books. Shadow accompanies her. A helper.

BJ is here, continuing her and Pammy’s search for a place outside a trans-hostile Idaho. Hope they find something that fits them.

Thought about going out to breakfast with Tom. Nope. When planning to heat up leftover moo shu pork, I turned quickly, my hip gave out. Tom grabbed me. Thanks, dude. Not yet ready to be away from home.

Melissa’s new hours start on Monday. She’ll be here from 3 to 5. I plan to have her make an evening meal, something for breakfast, and a sandwich for lunch. She’ll also do some laundry, help me shower.

Looks like Joe and Seoah can’t be here until the last week of September. Good to see them anytime.

A Dopy Don stiff wave good-bye.

assisted Living, Family, Fourth Phase, Memories, Minnesota, Shadow Mountain

Doorways

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Mary came on June 2nd. She will have been on Shadow Mountain for almost three months when she leaves on August 31st. Her timing was fortuitous. I needed buoying up and her simple act of showing up helped. A lot.

About a month later her presence proved critical as I hit the E.R. at St. Anthony’s and didn’t come home until 27 days later. Mary took care of Shadow and the house while  I recovered.

She and her partner, Guru, have demonstrated with actions what family can mean. Thanks, Mary.

 

We will slip into a transition zone, if we haven’t already. A zone in which I am leaving Shadow Mountain, but not yet; and, where I am moving into Elk Run but not there. Between. A liminal space in which old ways and purposes can transform.

I’m going to let those changes emerge as Shadow Mountain fades and Elk Run comes into focus. Three weeks.

We all have these threshold moments in our lives. Another occurred for me in 1970. My job, rag cutter at Fox River Paper, offered no intellectual stimulation. Which I need. When Reverend Curtis Herron broached the idea of seminary, I laughed. At first.

Later, while jumping into the rotary boiler to pack in the cut rags, I realized. What am I doing? Judy and I were in a bad patch in our open marriage. There was no future in cutting rags. Seminary didn’t seem like a bad idea.

Twenty or so years later I left the Presbyterian ministry to write novels. (Thanks to Kate.) That threshold moment in Appleton, Wisconsin had steered me onto a surprising life path.

What threshold moments do you recall?

 

Family, Fourth Phase, Friends, Health, Shadow Mountain, Travel, Weather +Climate

Farewell, auf wiedersehen

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Today Adrian leaves for Holland. Two days later Tara goes to Florida where she will store her Costa Rica luggage and fly to Barcelona for a family wedding. At that point only Mary will be left here. She leaves a week later. I’ll have two weeks of no one but Melissa unless I can make other arrangements.

I can walk up the stairs! I thought so. Tried and it was easy. That’s a milestone. So is my improvement in breathing. After pneumonia my breathing had been compromised. I use a spirometer and a clever device called a breathing muscle trainer.

The trainer has seven settings for inhalation, an equal number for exhalation. I breathe in, forcefully, through a small tube. The inhalation setting determines how easy or difficult it is. Then breathe out. 10x rest 10x.

Weather here has been cooler and wet with no wildfire smoke. Good sleeping, fire protection.

Marilyn and Irv come over tonight with food from Oyama, the sushi spot in Aspen Park. Marilyn and Tara have been close for many years. A farewell Shabbos dinner. Trump affects us.