Lughnasa Harvest Moon
Giving a presentation this morning at Groveland UU. The Third Phase. I’ll post it later on today. I find myself surprisingly uninterested. I forgot several times last night that I was doing it. Got today planned in my head, then, went, “Oh. Right!” Resistance. This may be the last of it. There’s no longer the spark of delight I used to get from writing out my thoughts, then presenting them to others out loud.
They say fear of death and public speaking run close together in terms of intensity among most of the population. Public speaking has never been a fear for me. I’ve been doing it since I was young, various venues like school politics, church, theatre, classrooms, debate, interpretive reading. Over the years I’ve come to believe that I have a talent for it, modest, but there. I’m no Cicero or Richard Burton, but I can get my point across and most of the time make you feel glad you had the chance to listen.
It may not be the public speaking that has soured for me. I really gave up the ministry years ago with a slight regression in the late 90’s, but I was not sorry when I left the Presbytery in 1992. The connection with Groveland kept that spark glowing, but the ember has begun to die out, or has died out. It’s a profession that never did fit me, that I entered through a series of bad choices, like the thug life. I worked hard to make a place for myself in the church, but the tension and stress made me unhappy.
Now, finally, 20+ years after the fact, I’m ready to let it go all the way.
