Summer Healing Moon
So. Cleansing continues.
Talking to Kate yesterday I mentioned how strange I feel. Physically, as I’ve said, I feel fine. But tomorrow I’ll have surgery to remove a part of me. Gone forever. A disturbing thought, balanced only by the knowledge that if it stays, all of me might go.
It’s as if I’ve stepped into an alternative universe where I’m desperately sick and can be saved only by drastic actions. Oh, wait.
I’m not describing this well. The cancer is an abstraction, as I’ve said before. I feel no symptoms. My body is not telling me that anything is wrong. Only tests done inside my body, where I can’t see, have found it.
Trust has guided me to tomorrow. Trust in Lisa Gidday, my internist, trust in Kate, trust in Edward Eigner. That trust says this is serious. It’s now. And must be dealt with. Still, trust itself is an abstraction even though those people are not.
But. I feel. Fine. Yet tomorrow I’ll lie feet up high for 3.5 hours as a robot crawls around my innards snipping, cutting, removing, sewing. Very, very strange.
