Lughnasa and the Moon of the First Harvest
The final week. 5 more fractions. How many photons, I wonder, in a fraction? How much light does it take to banish the darkness of cancer?
Giddy? Yes, getting there. No more two hour trips to Lone Tree each weekday. No more CyberKnife clicking and clacking, moving, shifting, always pointing at my abdomen. Hopeful? Yes. The weirdness of hope here being how long it will take to know whether the radiation did kill the cancer.
Anxious? A bit. From the first lab report showing my PSA had begun to rise to June 17th, the beginning of my treatment, until now, I’ve moved in a progression. More labs. Imaging scans. Treatment options. Start radiation. I was doing something active. The “take arms against a sea of troubles” approach. At the end of this week I’ll not have the useful metric of trips to Lone Tree. Each trip was a stand against this inner enemy.
After will be the Lupron. And waiting. Another injection on October 1. Lab tests every few months. Waiting for the end of ADT therapy. (Androgen Deprivation Therapy) Then wait three more months. A PSA then will probably show whether the radiation worked.
Waiting means moving into the wu wei of cancer. Living with an inner mystery. Flowing with it, letting it become whatever it will be.