Category Archives: Friends

Cindy and Lonnie

Samhain                                                         New (Winter Solstice) Moon

Lunch today with Lonnie Helgeson, an old friend.  We’d gone to the Walker together for lunch many times prior to our mutual engagement in child rearing, got off track.  Nice to get started again.

We saw the Cindy Sherman show.  Lonnie’s a big fan.  I am, too, but I didn’t know as much as Lonnie.  It’s interesting to consider a artistic career built on substantial modification to one’s self, then the recording of it through photography.  It’s as if she has become her own doll, dressed in many costumes and posed in interesting places.

Her work is evocative of stories happening just off camera.  Her early black and white work–like many photographers working today her career spans the film to digital change–is vulnerable, has a yearning.  She’s fascinated with horror films and it shows in her work.

Lonnie alluded to one way of seeing her entire corpus, as a Jungian set of inner selves, archetypes carried deep within her, many within all of us.

There is, too, a playful side to her work, but more often she veers toward the exploratory, the serious, the strange.  In this last case her clown series look like they might have been cast in Killer Klowns from Outer Space.

Middling Cards, Profound Fellowship

Samhain                                                                 Thanksgiving Moon

Cards tonight.  Sheepshead.  Middling hands and a middling score.  One great hand which let me reflect that you get the best score when the least skill is required.

More important.  Bill talking about his journey after Regina’s death and Dick about the 13th of 35 radiation treatments to knock out some lingering prostate cancer cells.

At the end of the evening Dick produced a small vial with O.S. on a label.  Oleum sanctorum*.  An oil sanctified by the Archbishop for use in particular sacraments.  He had each of us rub the oil on our hands, then rub that oil on his.  He believes that illness tends to produce isolation, a turning away from community.  What better then than holding hands?  Even oily ones.

Yes, we play sheepshead.  No, it’s not the most important thing that happens.

*On Holy Thursday morning (in some dioceses it may be another morning during Holy Week), the bishop, joined by the priests of the diocese, gather at the Cathedral to celebrate the Chrism Mass. This Mass manifests the unity of the priests with their bishop.

Here the bishop blesses three oils — the oil of catechumens (oleum catechumenorum or oleum sanctorum), the oil of the infirm (oleum infirmorum) and holy chrism (sacrum chrisma) — which will be used in the administration of the sacraments throughout the diocese for the year. This tradition is rooted in the early Church as noted in the Gelasian Sacramentary (named after Pope Gelasius I, d. 496), but was later absorbed into the Holy Thursday evening Mass; Pope Pius XII issued a new Ordinal for Holy Week, which reinstituted a special Mass of the chrism distinct from the evening Mass.

An Important Message for a Season of Indulgence

Samhain                                                               Thanksgiving Moon

source

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles roll

ed into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full.. The students responded with a unanimous ‘yes.’

The professor then produced two Beers from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand.The students laughed..

‘Now,’ said the professor as the laughter subsided, ‘I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things—-your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions—-and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.. The sand is everything else—-the small stuff.

‘If you put the sand into the jar first,’ he continued, ‘there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life.

If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you.

Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.

Spend time with your children. Spend time with your parents. Visit with grandparents. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and mow the lawn.

Take care of the golf balls first—-the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the Beer represented. The professor smiled and said, ‘I’m glad you asked.’ The Beer just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there’s always room for a couple of Beers with a friend.

They Can’t Afford the Dues

Fall                                                             Fallowturn Moon

Woollies at Stefan’s tonight.  This was our first regular meeting since Regina’s death so our conversation focused on Bill while Bill, St. William as Tom called him, kept turning the focus to Regina or to us.

Bill places his hand over his chest and says he prefers to live life from there, rather than here, and he taps his head.  He says we can all live from the place of love.  “All men could have this in their lives.” He spread his arms to include those of us in the room.

“Yes,” Tom said, “but they can’t afford the dues.”  We have a running joke about our dues-zero.

Bill said, “Exactly.  They feel like they can’t afford the dues.  And they’re high.”  We meet at least twice a month and have an annual retreat for four days.  We work at maintaining our relationships.

Those dues pay off in nights like this.  We can gather in a living room with our hearts open to a friend and he knows he can count on us.  And he can.

Exurban Disadvantage #1: Travel Time

Lugnasa                                                                  Garlic Planting Moon

A disadvantage of living in the exurbs, a big one, is travel time.  Today I’m going into the Peninsula Restaurant for a lunch with my docent classmates.  Around 40 minutes if travel time is normal.  At 6pm I need to be in St. Louis Park, near the intersection of Louisiana and 394.  Probably about the same.  That’s 160 minutes travel time, pretty damned close to three hours, out of one day.

Of course, these kind of trips are a choice.  But since it is these kind of journeys that maintain connections with friends whom I cherish, it’s not much of a choice.  Relationships, like politics, demand face time and showing up.  No substitute.

That means somethings have to get juggled on days like this.

Patently a Martian

Lugnasa                                                        Garlic Planting Moon

Cybermage Bill Schmidt has two new gold stars on his life resume.

1.  His signature is now on Mars.  He has a friend who works at JPL who, about three years ago, showed him around the place, pointing out during the tour the rover now named Curiosity.  Behind it was a book.  “Sign the book,” his friend said.  Bill did.  “What’s it for?” “We’ll take a picture of all the names, put them on a chip and send them to Mars with the rover.”  Mission accomplished.  Bill’s a Martian. Sort of.

2.  Over the last few years Bill has worked at his favorite activity, coding, to make an invention by a local psychotherapist even more useful.  The invention records on video both sides of a conversation and allows easy tracking back through the dialogue later.

The company applied for a patent and Bill’s name stands as one of the two applying.  The patent has 38 claims for uniqueness.

 

Sheepshead

Lugnasa                                                      Garlic Planting Moon

Whoever manages the distribution of cards to players has picked me for challenges the last three months in a row.  Fortuna?  Lady Luck?  Whoever you are, I’d like some different pasteboards please.

(trump in sheepshead in order)

Even with bad cards though there is always good company.  Tonight two stories of women claiming victories in the here and now over debilitating disease.  Regina continues to have good energy in spite of the cancer she has and the daily blood-thinner shots she has to take.  Ed’s wife, who has lupus, went to Chicago on her own and she and Ed went out to dinner for the first time in five years.  On reflection, if that’s where Fortuna has shifted her attention, good on her.

 

In the Jungles of Northern Andover

Lugnasa                                                        Garlic Planting Moon

Living out here, in the wilds of exurban Andover is very peaceful.  Quiet, except for the neighbors who occasionally try out their motorcycles and dirt bikes on our street–not all that often.  Spacious, we have one hectare or 2.5 acres with woods, flower and vegetable beds and an orchard, plus a large reasonably useless yard.  Roomy, with rooms for Kate’s sewing and quilting, exercise, reading and for my writing and study.  Memories, we’ve been here 18 years and have many birthdays, Thanksgivings and holidays in our past plus visits from the kids and grandkids and all the dogs.

Yet peaceful has its limits.  When we met last night with all the Woolly wives and discussed books on a clear, comfortable evening, it was wonderful.  The buzz, the casual conversation, the different personalities.  People I’ve known for years, shared intimate parts of their lives.  That we don’t have out here.

I’ve never found my people in Anoka County, though I love it out here.  That’s partly because I’ve refused to give up my urban connections, working in politics for the Sierra Club, volunteering at the MIA, visiting museums, meeting with the Woollies.  It’s partly because I’m an introvert and starting over with new friends is tough for me.  It’s partly because my politics don’t have company here.

I suppose another way to look at this is that I have the best of both worlds, a peaceful refuge and cosmopolitan friends.  I’ll stick with that one for now.

 

 

 

Summer                                                Hiroshima Moon

Fortuna smiled on me tonight, but not in an excessive way.  I had some hands, some good cards.  Made some points.  Enough to come in second this time as opposed to dead last last time.

We had a guest for sheepshead, Dave, Ed’s sort of brother-in-law.  That is, he was formerly married to Ed’s wife’s sister.  Dave worked in Germany for the NSA. First puzzle palace sort I’ve ever met.  Majored in German, minored in Russian in college.  That’s all he would say about his work.  Classified.  A very bright guy.  Looked more like a rotund aging hippy than a former spy.

 

Paul and Sarah – Before They Left

Summer                                                           Under the Lily Moon

Over to the area of Lake Calhoun near the Bakken Museum today.   The lake had people biking, running, exercising, doing yoga, lying on towels.  A busy place with people grabbing the Minnesota summer when it let up from rains.

An open house for Paul and Sarah Strickland.

Paul and Sarah have a place in a great part of the world, on the St. Croix River, looking across the river the land they see is New Brunswick.  The famous Bay of Fundy is not far from them and the tides there are legendary for their extremes.

Saw Bill and Regina, Warren and Sheryl, Mark Odegard there.  Scott Simpson and Yin were coming as we were leaving.  I came home to get a nap before the drive out to Woodbury.

This part of Woodbury has very upscale homes settled on Wild Canyon Drive and Wild Canyon Trail.  It’s lovely, with mature trees, some elevation and many homes set far back from the road.

The ceremony tonight featured Paul and Sarah and how their friends, their family, the “people who see us” as Sarah said, had connected with them and sustained them through the years.  Warren and Sheryl, Tom and Roxann, Stefan and Lonnie were there representing the Woollies.

I confess to some dis-ease with the Native American cum Mayan slant to the ceremonial part of the evening.  It feels like poaching, taking this and that into a melange that ends up being a little hokey.*  If I put that aside, the evening allowed for time together with Paul and Sarah, a chance to chat with others and a chance to express feelings of loss and connection.

Ross Levin, a financial planner who writes a column for the Star-Tribune was there, as was Eric Utne of Utne Reader fame.  They were part of Paul’s second men’s group, the Outliers.

It was a classic Minnesota summer evening.  A twilight with rosy clouds backlit the St. Paul Cathedral and the Minnesota Capitol Building, framing, as they did, the business center of downtown St. Paul.  The Mississippi reflected back both the darkening blue of the  sky and the rose and gold tints in the sky.

An evening, in the end, of good-byes.

*addendum  I know this may be harsh and in one sense my inclination is to say so be it.  But.  While the frame had questionable elements, the caring and love demonstrated did not.

In that vein I realize that my judgments on these matters may reflect a concept of purity and authenticity too strong for these instances.  Cultural patrimony is always fluid and cultures do absorb and adapt learnings from others all the time.

All of these folks have a genuine spiritual journey on which a Native American sensibility has come to have meaning.  In the end it is not the container but the ancientrail that is important and the ancientrail here is one of love and care for each other and for our mother, the earth.  Blessed be.