Samain and the Winter Solstice Moon
Monday gratefuls: Ancient Brothers. Da rhythm. Of our lives. Kep and Rigel, a two dog snugged close night. Brian bringing the new cabinets. TSA prechek. Herme coming home. Jon’s 53rd birthday this Friday. Going to Gaetano’s. 20 degrees this morning. Still no Snow.
Sparks of Joy and Awe: Cabinets, new
Tarot: three of bows-fulfillment
A full week. Learning to husband my energy. Stamina still less than pre-androgen deprivation therapy. Though. I think grief takes its toll on energy, too.
Decided to take not liking the security line at the airport off the table. Going to TSA Prechek this morning to apply. Lot of documents required since I changed my name when I married Raeone. That’s in downtown Denver at 11:40.
After that it’s over to Morry’s Neon to pick up Herme. Where will I put him while the remodel is going on? Maybe in the garage.
TSA is the exit before Pena Blvd which heads into DIA. A long ways from here. Guess it makes sense it would be close to the aeropuerto.
While emptying kitchen cabinets yesterday I got briefly overwhelmed with sadness. A few tears. BJ said that when she talked with Kate in the hospital last April, Kate told her we intended to remodel the kitchen. It was the we that got me. I no longer have that we.
Our we lived in those conversations. Remodel the kitchen? Pizza for dinner? How can we help Gabe and Ruth? What book did you like best? Do you remember when you were 6? And the memories of those conversations held in the others bank of the past. For retrieval if somehow forgotten by one of us.
Drains a lot of energy. Those moments. Yet I welcome them. I feel her with me. The vitality and presence of our time together. Palpable. Almost. So if you walk in on me and my eyes are a bit red and puffy, you’ll know Kate’s come for a visit.
Though. If you see me smile, grin with no seeming referent, you’ll know she’s come, too. I’m widowed to Kate. Forever more.
Tom Crane comes on Wednesday. We’ll hang out, talk about life and love, death and life phases. We’ll also have brunch with Irv and Marilyn Saltzman at Aspen Perks.
Tomorrow I take Jon for his colonoscopy/endoscopy. Searching for reasons behind his loss of 40 pounds over the last few months. On Friday I’ll take him to Gaetano’s. I may take Roger with me, but I’ll clip him to Jon if I do. Not gonna give’m two.
Bowe comes tomorrow to remove the old cabinets. Thursday to install the ones Brian delivers today. Then, a three week wait while the quartzite fabricator measures twice and cuts once, delivers and installs. After that, another wait because the backsplash decision is going to wait on the Taj Mahal slab. To check colors with the new counter in place. Maybe up to three weeks, but better to have it right than to guess.
Hanukkah is done. The menorah’s cleaned out. Candles put away. Presents distributed. Next up. The Winter Solstice. The holiday of holidays in my world.
