Imbolc and the Moon of Deep Friendship

Shabbat gratefuls: Tom and Paul. Shadow and her bootie. Rabbi Jamie. Irv and Marilyn. Snow, at last.  Ruth. 79. Birthday.

Rene Good. Alex Pretti. Say their names.

 

Sparks of Joy and Awe: Tandoori Chicken

Week Kavannah: Bitachon. Confidence.     I need to focus on confidence this week. Important decisions for cancer treatment, how to stay confident when physical weakness challenges me.

 

Tarot: Four of Stones, Protection

It represents finding a personal place of emotional and spiritual safety. The dolmen provides a physical and energetic shield for the vulnerable. The rising sun signifies the return of hope and energy after a period of trial or darkness. 

One brief shining: Here I am traveling again on a new circuit around Great Sol, same as the old circuit but new to me in my 79th year, moving fast, leaving flecks of stardust and memories in my wake, ready for a year of creativity and joy.

Birthdays. Wonder when we started celebrating birthdays? Can’t imagine early Homo Sapiens sitting around the campfire eating birthday cake.

This year. A wonderful birthday with two boxes of fancy chocolates, two old and beloved friends from away, Ruth coming up. Immersed in concrete love.

The 79th year. As grandson Gabe put it, “In 2 days, you’ll be a year from 80.”  When we read someone is 80, we think: “Boy. They’re old.”

Given recent cancer news, new metastases and passing into hormone resistant disease, I wonder about my last birthday. New treatments mean I’ll likely reach my 80’s.

The Germans gave us candles — one for each year, and one for hope. One birthday soon that candle won’t work.

I want to continue. For myself, for Shadow, for the people I love and those who love me. As of this last week, I also want to continue for my writing. Remove manuscripts from their plastic tubs. Continue learning. Revise novels. Find an agent, a candle of hope for my work.

In the last year I’ve slowed. Head drops. Stamina in sharp decline. Easy, too easy, to consider that candle. No need to rush. Soon. Soon enough.

Ghost of Birthday’s past. 78 leading up to today. Mom’s heart-shaped red velvet cakes. Valentines’ candies. Be mine. Love. I’m yours. A few alone. Forty candles. Plus one. Fifty. Sixty. Seventy. Encompassing this marriage and that one. Before Joseph and after. Oklahoma. Indiana. Minnesota. The Rockies. A life measured out in birthdays.

Birthdays. Birth days. Birth.  A new life begins.