Summer Healing Moon
After three months of seriousness, distraction, medical visits and surgery I’ve told Kate many times I just want my old life back. And I meant it. Or, at least what I meant was, I want out of this pit of uncertainty and back to a world where tomorrow is not a question mark.
Now, three days after the surgery, sort of the top of a bell curve of anxiety, I see I was wrong about wanting my old life back. The me who lived that old life-writing, Latin, family, hikes, friends-is gone. My pre-April 14th self has vanished, the one who had those priorities. That’s not say there aren’t continuities, yes, there are, but it is to say that my post-cancer diagnosis and treatment self is different, substantially different, I think.
This awareness is only coming to me now so I can’t see with any clarity those differences. They will emerge as I live into the fall and winter. But they exist and want to claim their own ascendancy as time moves forward.
I did not expect this, but in retrospect it makes sense.
So glad that your surgery was a success and that the dense cloud overhead has been removed.