Category Archives: Friends

They Can’t Afford the Dues

Fall                                                             Fallowturn Moon

Woollies at Stefan’s tonight.  This was our first regular meeting since Regina’s death so our conversation focused on Bill while Bill, St. William as Tom called him, kept turning the focus to Regina or to us.

Bill places his hand over his chest and says he prefers to live life from there, rather than here, and he taps his head.  He says we can all live from the place of love.  “All men could have this in their lives.” He spread his arms to include those of us in the room.

“Yes,” Tom said, “but they can’t afford the dues.”  We have a running joke about our dues-zero.

Bill said, “Exactly.  They feel like they can’t afford the dues.  And they’re high.”  We meet at least twice a month and have an annual retreat for four days.  We work at maintaining our relationships.

Those dues pay off in nights like this.  We can gather in a living room with our hearts open to a friend and he knows he can count on us.  And he can.

Exurban Disadvantage #1: Travel Time

Lugnasa                                                                  Garlic Planting Moon

A disadvantage of living in the exurbs, a big one, is travel time.  Today I’m going into the Peninsula Restaurant for a lunch with my docent classmates.  Around 40 minutes if travel time is normal.  At 6pm I need to be in St. Louis Park, near the intersection of Louisiana and 394.  Probably about the same.  That’s 160 minutes travel time, pretty damned close to three hours, out of one day.

Of course, these kind of trips are a choice.  But since it is these kind of journeys that maintain connections with friends whom I cherish, it’s not much of a choice.  Relationships, like politics, demand face time and showing up.  No substitute.

That means somethings have to get juggled on days like this.

Patently a Martian

Lugnasa                                                        Garlic Planting Moon

Cybermage Bill Schmidt has two new gold stars on his life resume.

1.  His signature is now on Mars.  He has a friend who works at JPL who, about three years ago, showed him around the place, pointing out during the tour the rover now named Curiosity.  Behind it was a book.  “Sign the book,” his friend said.  Bill did.  “What’s it for?” “We’ll take a picture of all the names, put them on a chip and send them to Mars with the rover.”  Mission accomplished.  Bill’s a Martian. Sort of.

2.  Over the last few years Bill has worked at his favorite activity, coding, to make an invention by a local psychotherapist even more useful.  The invention records on video both sides of a conversation and allows easy tracking back through the dialogue later.

The company applied for a patent and Bill’s name stands as one of the two applying.  The patent has 38 claims for uniqueness.

 

Sheepshead

Lugnasa                                                      Garlic Planting Moon

Whoever manages the distribution of cards to players has picked me for challenges the last three months in a row.  Fortuna?  Lady Luck?  Whoever you are, I’d like some different pasteboards please.

(trump in sheepshead in order)

Even with bad cards though there is always good company.  Tonight two stories of women claiming victories in the here and now over debilitating disease.  Regina continues to have good energy in spite of the cancer she has and the daily blood-thinner shots she has to take.  Ed’s wife, who has lupus, went to Chicago on her own and she and Ed went out to dinner for the first time in five years.  On reflection, if that’s where Fortuna has shifted her attention, good on her.

 

In the Jungles of Northern Andover

Lugnasa                                                        Garlic Planting Moon

Living out here, in the wilds of exurban Andover is very peaceful.  Quiet, except for the neighbors who occasionally try out their motorcycles and dirt bikes on our street–not all that often.  Spacious, we have one hectare or 2.5 acres with woods, flower and vegetable beds and an orchard, plus a large reasonably useless yard.  Roomy, with rooms for Kate’s sewing and quilting, exercise, reading and for my writing and study.  Memories, we’ve been here 18 years and have many birthdays, Thanksgivings and holidays in our past plus visits from the kids and grandkids and all the dogs.

Yet peaceful has its limits.  When we met last night with all the Woolly wives and discussed books on a clear, comfortable evening, it was wonderful.  The buzz, the casual conversation, the different personalities.  People I’ve known for years, shared intimate parts of their lives.  That we don’t have out here.

I’ve never found my people in Anoka County, though I love it out here.  That’s partly because I’ve refused to give up my urban connections, working in politics for the Sierra Club, volunteering at the MIA, visiting museums, meeting with the Woollies.  It’s partly because I’m an introvert and starting over with new friends is tough for me.  It’s partly because my politics don’t have company here.

I suppose another way to look at this is that I have the best of both worlds, a peaceful refuge and cosmopolitan friends.  I’ll stick with that one for now.

 

 

 

Summer                                                Hiroshima Moon

Fortuna smiled on me tonight, but not in an excessive way.  I had some hands, some good cards.  Made some points.  Enough to come in second this time as opposed to dead last last time.

We had a guest for sheepshead, Dave, Ed’s sort of brother-in-law.  That is, he was formerly married to Ed’s wife’s sister.  Dave worked in Germany for the NSA. First puzzle palace sort I’ve ever met.  Majored in German, minored in Russian in college.  That’s all he would say about his work.  Classified.  A very bright guy.  Looked more like a rotund aging hippy than a former spy.

 

Paul and Sarah – Before They Left

Summer                                                           Under the Lily Moon

Over to the area of Lake Calhoun near the Bakken Museum today.   The lake had people biking, running, exercising, doing yoga, lying on towels.  A busy place with people grabbing the Minnesota summer when it let up from rains.

An open house for Paul and Sarah Strickland.

Paul and Sarah have a place in a great part of the world, on the St. Croix River, looking across the river the land they see is New Brunswick.  The famous Bay of Fundy is not far from them and the tides there are legendary for their extremes.

Saw Bill and Regina, Warren and Sheryl, Mark Odegard there.  Scott Simpson and Yin were coming as we were leaving.  I came home to get a nap before the drive out to Woodbury.

This part of Woodbury has very upscale homes settled on Wild Canyon Drive and Wild Canyon Trail.  It’s lovely, with mature trees, some elevation and many homes set far back from the road.

The ceremony tonight featured Paul and Sarah and how their friends, their family, the “people who see us” as Sarah said, had connected with them and sustained them through the years.  Warren and Sheryl, Tom and Roxann, Stefan and Lonnie were there representing the Woollies.

I confess to some dis-ease with the Native American cum Mayan slant to the ceremonial part of the evening.  It feels like poaching, taking this and that into a melange that ends up being a little hokey.*  If I put that aside, the evening allowed for time together with Paul and Sarah, a chance to chat with others and a chance to express feelings of loss and connection.

Ross Levin, a financial planner who writes a column for the Star-Tribune was there, as was Eric Utne of Utne Reader fame.  They were part of Paul’s second men’s group, the Outliers.

It was a classic Minnesota summer evening.  A twilight with rosy clouds backlit the St. Paul Cathedral and the Minnesota Capitol Building, framing, as they did, the business center of downtown St. Paul.  The Mississippi reflected back both the darkening blue of the  sky and the rose and gold tints in the sky.

An evening, in the end, of good-byes.

*addendum  I know this may be harsh and in one sense my inclination is to say so be it.  But.  While the frame had questionable elements, the caring and love demonstrated did not.

In that vein I realize that my judgments on these matters may reflect a concept of purity and authenticity too strong for these instances.  Cultural patrimony is always fluid and cultures do absorb and adapt learnings from others all the time.

All of these folks have a genuine spiritual journey on which a Native American sensibility has come to have meaning.  In the end it is not the container but the ancientrail that is important and the ancientrail here is one of love and care for each other and for our mother, the earth.  Blessed be.

To Live In This World

Beltane                                                         Garlic Moon

…To live in this world

you must be able
to do three things:
to love what is mortal;
to hold it

against your bones knowing
your own life depends on it;
and, when the time comes to let it go,
to let it go.

Mary Oliver’s In Blackwater Woods

Things of metal and gears.  Engines and oil.  Brake cylinders and transmissions.  These are not mortal things.  They are inanimate.  Without feeling or care.  Whether they are here or there does not matter to them.

So we say.

And yet.  I just watched the tow trucker driver hook up my 1994 Celica, red and still shiny, a car the like of which I’ll never own again.  He has taken the red car, as I always called it, away.

A rational decision.  273,000 miles, not quite to 300,000 which I wanted, irrationally, to reach.  We can’t afford two cars anymore.  And it had begun to do this and that.  Though it always had, some.  But now, we didn’t need it.

The boy is gone.  Once in junior high and high school the boy and I rode in that car ten times a week, back and forth to St. Paul, every two weeks.  It carried us and kept us warm, safe.

He’s been gone, of course, for years.  He went off to college in 2000 and at that time the red car was 6 years old.  I drove it to the Sierra Club, to the Woollies, to the MIA.  I drove it to Denver and down to Florida to see the boy after he went off to the Air Force.

There did come a time, five years ago or so, when I no longer trusted it for long trips.  So those ceased.  Then, its winter performance began to lag, the engine knocking sometimes, sometimes tires blowing out.  So I drove it less and less in the winter.  It could no longer climb the driveway in icy weather.  Much like me.

It had become old.  Not feeble, never feeble.  It could still take the big curve off 35 at 70 mph, laying flat in the lane, as if on a city street.  Its engine always had plenty for passing, for getting in and out of traffic.  But it wasn’t the car it used to be.

And now it’s gone.

 

Docents

Beltane                                                           Garlic Moon

A docent friend, Bill Bomash, who fell on a trip to Brazil several years ago and broke his leg, spent three years recovering from a series of infections and other problems. Learned last Wednesday that his wife has stomach cancer and that he’s not been touring to care for her. Sounds like they may be on the last leg of this treament, three months more chemo and the docs have used the word cure.  The Big C still exacts its requisite amount of pain and anguish, but is no longer the absolute death sentence it was when I was a boy.

Going to a gathering of our docent class, 2005, this afternoon.  The docent classes become and remain very close over time.  We spend two years of Wednesdays, many other days of practice together.  In that time we become part of each others lives, friends.  The average docent is curious, loves art, has a keen interest in the world at a global level.  I’m glad to have gotten to know this fine group of people.

Being a Helpmate

Beltane                                                              New Garlic Moon

Today is a help Kate day.  Working on her schedule and her list to get those things done that will make her life easier while I’m in Romania.  Some weeding, banking, picking up laundry.  Things of that sort.

Tomorrow I want to finish off Pentheus and pack.  Packing always makes me a bit anxious before I leave on a long trip, more so than a short one, so if I get out of the way early, I don’t experience that uptick.

 

A note came today from Woolly Tom Crane who is in the land of the midnight sun, able to work now with the long day in a place where, in January, they had to knock off at 2:30 pm or so due twilight.