Daily Archives: December 16, 2014

The Move

Sigh. (I recommend not reading this. For the record, but grumpy.)

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Samain                                                                        Moving Moon

OK. I’d admit to dullness, drug outness. Weary. I knew this week would suck and it has delivered. Not in big ways, but in the small insults that seem to grow. Yesterday A1 sent the A packing team. Solid, jolly, quiet, steady. Today the C team. Or, lower. Noisy, brusque, clomping. They packed the honey and jelly for our potential buyers. They also packed the small horticultural library of Minnesota focused books I’d left behind. And, they packed all of my coats.

Now none of this is really awful, but on top of sleep deprivation, it’s sure annoying. We’ve used up a lot of our introverted reserve getting to today and now that’s gone. Which amplifies everything, I know. We’re still good, still level, but I’m glad this part of the process won’t last much longer.

Tomorrow, loading. Richard said the day will be hectic. Expected. This is all a modest downer, so I’ll quit. More tomorrow, when, hopefull, I’m better rested.

 

Faith and Spirituality, Reimagine. Reconstruct. Reenchant.

At One Ment

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Samain                                                                                      Moving Moon

A continuing conversation. Purity of heart. Scott asked Sunday if he could not will one thing was his heart impure? Took me some thought but I realized the answer. No, not impure, divided.

A divided heart is the normal human condition, a heart pulled among family, self, ambition, beauty, money, any of the sundry things which can seem urgent, central to us. Kierkegaard is, of course, holding out an ideal, an instance in which we can bring all of who we are into one focus, on one central value. Kierkegaard saw that one thing as love of God, all else falling short.

Back to the U curve graph I talked about a while back, the one where life satisfaction goes down as we reach mid-career then heads up as we age. I proposed that we get happier because aging imposes limits on us: financial, physical and temporal. Another way to think about it might involve the divided heart. Perhaps as we age, we become (or can become) less divided in our will.

This could relate to my desire to do only those things that only I can do. Once we get clearer on who we are, what our Self is, we become (or, again, can become) more focused. This may be the process of our heart becoming less and less divided.

It may be that the third phase is a whittling down of the divided loyalties at our center, a purging of the now understood to be less critical, less urgent, less central. As that U nears the top of the right hand, it may reflect the heart yearning toward, perhaps achieving unity. It is a consoling idea to me to think that we might be able, near the close of our life, to will one thing, even if for only a short period. We might call it at-one-ment.

 

The Move

Santa Richard

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Samain                                                                                       Moving Moon

The driver, Richard, is a Latino who lives in West Palm Beach. This latter fact is important because it means he’s eager to put the cold of Minnesota and Colorado behind him. He likes the temperature in the 80’s, a warm ocean and a sunny beach. Great motivation to finish up our job in a timely fashion.Result? He plans to deliver on Sunday.

Makes sense to me. He loads on Wednesday and Thursday, drives Friday and Saturday, shows up on Sunday. Quick for us since we’ll just barely be there ourselves. Tom and I will get in early Saturday morning, Kate sometime that afternoon.

An inventory of items is his responsibility. He checks the list and marks it twice, going into his truck and going into our new place. Just like Santa. And, like Santa, he’s bringing us our stuff during the holidays. Santa Richard.

The Move

Doubled Effect

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Samain                                                                                         Moving Moon

More packing today. And there is snow, which is better than the ice we had before the thaw. Moving boxes upstairs and into the car for Goodwill.

I’ve noticed, more in recent years, that physical activity which had once been, if not easy, at least doable, taxes me, makes my muscles quiver slightly. Weakness like this has a similar effect to sleeplessness. A doubled effect in this instance. The lowered ability to do work-decline in muscle strength-also affects my sense of maleness. I’m weak, unable to do (fill in the blank), and therefore less of a man. Do I know this is nonsense? Intellectually, yes. Politically, yes. Emotionally? Not so much.

Then, on days like today, when sleep loss (from Monday night) continues, the effects reinforce each other. Not so good. Most affected is my thinking ability. That continues the snowball.

Well. So that happens. BTW: I write this so, if you have similar experiences, you will not feel alone.

Just met the driver. He’s flying from Denver to Peoria for Christmas, after delivering our stuff, then back to Denver for a trip to south Florida. The driver is the guy in the move. He supervises the loading and the unloading as well as driving between here and there.

Goal today: finish the disclosure statement. Better get to it.