So. New PETscan shows liver metastases. Not a good result. A next treatment-whatever it might be-will determine a lot. Discussing that with oncologist today. A little shaken though not surprised. This might bring death closer. If so, so be it.

I’ve been wrestling with cancer and its treatments since May of 2015. Up and down. Down and back up. Grim findings began when my PSA jumped in 2016. A few months after clear margins from my prostatectomy. From cured to not cured.

I focus on today. On what I can do. What’s within my power. My agency. Most of the time. But. On occasion a future possibility becomes a present certainty. Like death from a damaged liver. Felt real after I read the petscan results.  My inside opened up, an emptiness below. Then. Maybe, maybe not. But not today. I came back to Shadow, to breakfast. To Ancientrails.

I made this move to Elk Run at the right moment. If I am going to get sicker, room 308 is far better than Shadow Mountain. It’s also better for the time when I’m not sicker. Less stress, more day-to-day joy.

Another branch of my Ancientrail.