Winter and the young Imbolc Moon
Friday gratefuls: Kate. Always, Kate. The Fall of the Trump, inspired and realized by American Visigoths and barbarians. Illness and frailty. Aging. Covid. 5 days. Impeachment. Again. Still. Always. The winds. A busy day yesterday.
I posted this on Kate’s Caring Bridge site yesterday afternoon:
Well. Kate will be in the hospital until Saturday. Last night she had atrial fibrillation that dropped her blood pressure and gave her tachycardia. The docs need to decide whether to treat her for it or not. Blood-thinners, for stroke prevention.
The pneumothorax was small and may have healed under 100% oxygen. Her feeding tube reinstalled, she starts getting the higher calorie liquid now.
She is weary. When I asked her how she was feeling, she said, “I wish it wasn’t happening to me.” Yeah, me, too.
Covid makes visiting her not possible. The dogs and I live our usual lives. Get up early. Doggy breakfast. Write Ancientrails. My breakfast. Read newspaper. Around 4 pm doggy dinner. Get fresh water for them morning and evening. In between workout, comb Kep, vacuum, things like that. Wait for a call from the hospital. Eat well, get good sleep.
Lost a little sleep last night. Maybe an hour. Ideas rummaging through memories, trying to find something distressing. Read a good quote: keep the front door and backdoor of your mind open. Let ideas come in and go out. Did that. Took a while but I went back to sleep.
Stress? Oh, yes. Using all my learnings. Deep breathing. Front and back doors open. Consolation of Deer Creek Canyon. Looking out, clearly, over the absurd and the abyss. Checking in with friends and family. Workouts. Being with the dogs. Seeing Black Mountain, Arapaho National Forest, our wild neighbors. Really seeing them.
Working. Stress not overwhelming me.
I’ve allowed myself to go to the worst places, the most difficult imaginings, then go on. Kate is not dead, not dying; but, she is in great difficulty. We can navigate our way beyond this current rocky stretch, get back to cribbage and Sherlock, meals together. Her crosswords. My writing.
I want that. She wants that. We’ll see.