Category Archives: Health

Health, Minnesota

The Path

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Spring                                                                  Beltane Moon

Back from the urologist. The waiting room was like a gynecologist’s only reversed. Lots of old men, some sitting down in a tender way. None looking too happy.

Dr. Ted Eigner is a good find. He’s pleasant, clear, straightforward. After reviewing my psa, up to 6.2 since December’s 4.4, his physical finding which confirmed Dr. Gidday’s and my family history, he said, “It’s a no-brainer. We’ll do an ultrasound and get cells from 12 different sites.” That’s scheduled for May 14.

Today I got two things: a doctor in whom I have confidence and the next step on the path, a biopsy. After that? Won’t know until the biopsy results are in.

Kate asked me if I felt better. My first response was no. I had no new information. Then, a bit later. Well, yes, I feel better. I have a path and a good doctor.

This is not the only thing going on in my life. But it sure muscles out a lot of stuff. It does not push away the fact, the very good fact, that we’re expecting an offer on our house tomorrow evening. Selling Andover would move us squarely and completely to Colorado. We’re both more than ready for that.

Feelings, Health, Third Phase

Sun Breaking Through The Clouds

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Spring                         Beltane Moon

When I woke up this morning, I felt terrific. The haze, the gloom had lifted. Why? Have no idea except time and honesty. Honesty made sure the feelings were not trapped in a poisonous cluster reinforcing themselves; and, time has let the shock factor diminish.

Here’s a for instance. I looked up ghost towns in Colorado this morning. There are a lot of them and many not too far from here in South Park. The desire to get up, get out and go see things has begun to kick in, to put the Andover house and the prostate in the rearview for a day or so.

And I’m glad for it. I don’t like the down, distracted, glum feeling even though I know in this instance it’s referented and therapeutic.

So, I’m going to dig out the camera, the tripod, the binoculars and go on a road trip after the Woolly Retreat.

Faith and Spirituality, Feelings, Health, Reimagine. Reconstruct. Reenchant.

Spirit in the Sky

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Spring                                                                 Beltane Moon

On Monday (yesterday) my spirits lifted. The beginning of the work week moves my needle in a positive direction. Kate came up with some distractions. Yesterday we finally liberated all the art with the exception of our really big paintings from their containers and stored them in the guest room. This meant another slice and compress hour or so with the discarded cardboard, then stuffing it into the recycle bin. Mostly though I think I’ve integrated the possible futures and can live with any of them. (well, maybe not live with one really bad one.)

My distraction level is down. I’ve given myself (contraindicated over time) a break from exercising. An occasional vacation is good for the bones and blood vessels. I’m being gentle and compassionate with myself.

I got back my lab test results for other parts of my body. I am more than my prostate! An odd finding was that my total cholesterol at 127 is too low. Those atorvastatin pills go under the knife, cut in half to slim them down to the 10 mg dose. It’s weird considering the need to raise my cholesterol.

My kidney disease is stable and may well remain so for the rest of my life. The numbers were good for the most part with the exception of that damned PSA and the cholesterol.

Under any future I plan to live and live well until I die. That has always been my plan, my intention and I refuse to let anything, anything, interfere with it.

 

Health, The West

The Kindness of Strangers

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Spring                                                            New (Beltane) Moon

IMAG1246So. There is background noise, the hard-drive chitters quietly, like a squirrel hunting for a nut. Now, where did I put that damned thing? I say I’m calm, not afraid, not anxious but I think that puts my persona out there, where I want me to be. Underneath the persona where we all live our most private of lives a gyroscope of concern works away, wobbling, righting itself, but never able to spin down completely.

How do I know? Example. On my way in to the Rodeo All Stars I went to the post office to drop off some bills. I did that. Then, as I got down the slope to Highway 285 North I checked for the envelope that had my tickets and parking passes. Uh oh. Not there. Wait a minute. Slap forehead. Yes, I had “mailed” my tickets and parking passes in the driveby mailbox.

At first I thought, well, that’s done. I’ve got to go home. Then, no, what would you say? Go back and ask. If you don’t ask, you don’t get. So I drove back to the post office. Closed. Well, damn. Then a gray haired lady opened the door. She had hear me rattling the door, looking forlorn. “Can I help you?”

Moments later we were out at the mailbox. She turned a key, got out a white plastic bin and sure enough, under the bills was my envelope from the Rodeo All Stars. I thanked her and drove into Denver.

 

Health

Notes From Another Liminal Space

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Spring                                       Mountain Spring Moon

Kate reassures me. Old age prostate cancer is slow, non-aggressive. The treatments work. And, it’s true that Mark and Dick and my Dad, the three men I know personally who’ve had it, were all successfully treated.

I am not afraid. Yet I have returned to a liminal space, no longer healthy, yet not in immediate danger. This is life with a possible dangerous disease. Once I know for certain, even then, I will still be in a liminal space between either disease and death or disease and health. The move prepared me, taught me how to live between worlds and it will serve me well now.

This is life with a difference, life when the end is no longer abstract, but lurking in a known spot.

I’ve thought about the human as apex predator. We take from the animal world and only in the rarest of circumstances does it take from us. Now the predators who hunt us often come from within: cells of our own body, virus replicating, bacteria with a warm, rich host. Or, externally, motor vehicles and other humans.

Ours is a privileged eco-system, that of the apex of the apex predators. Most things feed upward toward our open mouths.

The tiny and the cunning pose our greatest risk, attacking us at a scale so small that we have difficulty imagining it. Cells multiplying are a danger to me. And my own cells? How ironic.

 

Health, Weather +Climate

Waiting

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Spring                                                                          Mountain Spring Moon

Word from my doc today on the PSA. 6.3. Put that together with the physical finding and my dad’s prostate cancer. The picture is becoming clearer. On the 27th I’ll have time with a urologist whose specialty is prostate cancer. My internist recommended him.

I have no particular image of where things will go from here. Lots more information to gather. But, the PSA number did knock me back on my heels for a bit. Better now.

Just finished arranging the removal of the tree that destroyed the grandkids playhouse.

Now we wait. The snow has fallen hard on and off since morning. The winter storm warning itself doesn’t begin until this evening. They’re still predicting 1-3 feet of snow with Conifer in the middle of the high impact zone.

We need the snow for the snowpack and to up the moisture levels in the forests. So, we’re looking forward to a reclusive day or two. Might mean I don’t make the first event of the Rodeo All-Stars which is tomorrow night, but the Saturday rodeos should be fine.

Feelings, Health, Weather +Climate
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Spring                                                              Mountain Spring Moon

The mountain spring moon is a sliver, 7% of full, close to a transition to new moon. And what do we have? A snowstorm that may produce 1-3 feet, that’s FEET, of snow. Based on what it’s doing right now that might be a low estimate since, according to the forecast, the snow has until tomorrow evening to fall.

And, in other news. I had a distracted day yesterday but today I’m back to normal. Slept fine both nights. Whatever comes, comes. Kate’s a great source of support.

 

Feelings, Health

Distraction

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Spring                                                     Mountain Spring Moon

Been distracted today. Not highly anxious, but finding it hard to focus. Which is not good for doing Latin. This will pass. I have an appointment with a urologist on April 27th and my new PSA numbers will come in today or tomorrow. More information.

Kate has said, long before I began hearing it everywhere, “It is what it is.” True. No amount of fretting will make the reality any different. Still. It is my reality and it is, at least potentially, my mortality.

I’m recording this more for myself, for later. A peg to measure reactions. Not unaffected, but not depressed, sad, worried. Distracted. The best word.

Garden, Health, Music, Original Relation, Our Land and Home

Habits Changing

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Spring                                                       Mountain Spring Moon

That new habit? Already changing. Figured out that drinking lots of water during my afternoon workouts made my night’s sleep get interrupted. Often enough to be annoying. So, I moved my workouts to mornings, starting this morning. Several positives came into focus in addition to having the whole day to get rid of excess water: cooler, a good thing for summer days. Leaves afternoons and early evenings free. An endorphin boost in the am is good. No sun coming in through the loft door makes the TV easier to see.

So, I have to rejigger my schedule again, accounting for the first hour of the day as exercise, then breakfast. Thinking about that now.

Tonight Kate and I will go into Denver to Dazzle Jazz for an evening of jazz in classical music. A good mix for us since we’re classical music and jazz fans, about 5% of the musical audience according to a DJ from KBEM in Minneapolis

I just reviewed the first pass at the light and shade study. We may not have many options for vegetables. I’m going to repeat the study in a month with better defined areas and more systematic spots for taking the pictures, make them uniform from hour to hour.