Category Archives: Health

Family, Fourth Phase, Health

The kids are ok.

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Ruth and Gabe came up yesterday. This September 4th, the third yahrzeit after Jon’s death in 2022, only a year after Kate’s. Glad they wanted to be here. They’re also sleeping over. Probably the last time.

They’ve been coming here for nearly eleven years. Ruth was 9 and Gabe 7 when we moved to Shadow Mountain. We wanted to be part of their lives. We were and I am.

A lot of good memories with them here. Sad ones, too. Family memories which include the full range of emotions. Grief over Kate and Jon’s death. Vega. Gertie. Rigel. Kepler. Joyful birthday and Hanukah celebrations. Thanksgivings. Just because weekends and sleepovers.

As they ate dinner, I said, “Wow. I have two college students here.” Yup, Gabe said. Gabe seems to have gained some traction at Regis. Smaller classes.

Ruth showed me the beautiful drawings she made of epithelial cells, muscle cells, cartilage. Study helps. They are beautiful, combining her first major, art, with her second, pre-med. Anatomy. Boring but necessary, heavy on memorization.

She’s also loving O-chem, a weed out class for pre-med students she says. Not for her. Kate loved organic chemistry and physical chemistry, another weed out class. Two bright women.

 

Forgot to say I walked into my oncology appointment. No walker. No cane. No stumbling or bumbling. Felt so good. Tiring, but not exhausting. I also got the seven vial treatment at my blood draw. Dark red blood pumping out of my left arm’s handy, findable vein. Into this vial, then the next.

Cancer, Dogs, Fourth Phase, Health

And you’re out

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Time for a Shadow report. Woke up last night and noticed that Shadow was up and, I thought, looking out the window. When I turned my head further I could see she was looking at me. Felt as if I’d intruded on a private moment.

Back to sleep. As I began to rouse for getting up I touched something. A paw. Shadow slept with her body tight against my pillow, her left hind leg splayed out upon it.

 

Back from then oncologist. I’m out of the trial. Too much time elapsed between today and my first (only) infusion of actinium. The irony. I went in six weeks or so ago, expecting to get my second infusion. My hemoglobin was too low at 9.5. Needed to be 10. Two weeks later I would have gone in for another potential infusion. Instead I spent 27 days getting over pneumonia. By then too much time had elapsed.

I’ll probably start on pluvicto sometime in the next month or so. It is similar to actinium but requires 72 hours of no human contact after an infusion.

Alan, a good friend, took me to the clinic.

 

 

assisted Living, Commentary on the news, Family, Fourth Phase, Health, Politics, Shadow Mountain

Sad News

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Gloria Steinman. Dead. She taught me so much. Through her writing and organizing, but more through the women she inspired. The ones I knew well.

It’s been a sad couple of weeks: Dolly Parton, Tim Curry, and the actor who voiced Optimus Prime. Figures who stood out: music, quirky acting, Transformer movies, and now feminist organizing. Even the idols of our youth are mortal.

I have, since early seminary days, considered myself a feminist. Gratitude to Gloria Steinman, Betty Friedan, and others who pushed second wave feminism onto the national stage. The personal is political.

 

More sad news. When Carol, my p.t. person from Mount Evans Home Health Care, came yesterday, she told me they were being shut down as of September 30th. That leaves us mountain folk with no access to in home physical or occupational therapy. Would have made my recovery much slower, especially when I was just out of rehab and very weak.

There is still physical therapy up here, but getting to it requires a car, a driver, and sufficient mobility. Many cannot meet those criteria. A rural life problem. Not unique to us, rather shared by people who live far from urban centers. Health care for any who live in spots where economy of scale works against them. A tragedy. At the most personal level.

 

Robin and Connie spent three hours packing books yesterday. Move preparation. Had a guy come up yesterday to inspect my roof, too. More sad news, I’ve got to replace my roof on the house and garage. Making it worse. Not enough hail damage. Meaning this will be an out of pocket expense. Yikes.

Ruth and Gabe will finish pulling books on Friday. They’re coming up to be with me on the anniversary of Jon’s death in 2022. This is the hard date for them. Ruth in particular since she found her dad dead on his basement couch.

I’ve not gotten word on when his yahrzeit will be remembered at Beth Evergreen, but they will probably come up then, too. Say kaddish with the worshippers.

 

Melissa now makes me a hot meal every weekday evening. A real treat. Last night. Hot sausage with baked beans and coleslaw followed by a baked apple dessert. Until a week from Friday.

Gutters get cleaned today. All windows washed on Monday. With new roofs? What a fine sight to see.

 

Aging, assisted Living, Family, Fourth Phase, Health, Shadow Mountain

Go figure

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Mary left for Houston. She’ll be visiting our cousin on the Ellis side, Libby Watkins. Mary loves Tex-Mex and has a favorite spot. On Friday she leaves for LAX where she boards Singapore Air.

She spent almost exactly three months. Cleaning the whole house one room at a time, then collaborating with Robin, helping with the move to Elk Run and general house clearing. Not to mention acting as a foster mom to Shadow. I’ll miss her.

By the time she returns to Melbourne in two weeks spring will be underway. If the weather gods grant us mercy, we’ll be feeling like fall.

By some paradox I’m stronger now than when Mary came. I had a tough time starting in April just before my trial infusion. It continued into May and early June when Mary arrived. Now, after pneumonia and the ICU, I’m mentally clear, exercising, and looking forward to the move. Go figure.

A summer of constant guests, friends, family. Busiest this house has been since we moved here. Played a role I imagine in helping my recovery. I also think the physical struggles of July: pneumonia and rehab forced me into a get better or really sink place.

Those struggles also cracked open my attitude about living alone. Even though I feel better than I have most of this year, I’m still very weak. Need a walker. Tire quickly. Can’t cook or move around the house. Not driving. Realized I wouldn’t feel safe on my own any longer. A bitter conclusion, yet true.

So… Elk Run.

Family, Fourth Phase, Friends, Health, Shadow Mountain, Travel, Weather +Climate

Farewell, auf wiedersehen

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Today Adrian leaves for Holland. Two days later Tara goes to Florida where she will store her Costa Rica luggage and fly to Barcelona for a family wedding. At that point only Mary will be left here. She leaves a week later. I’ll have two weeks of no one but Melissa unless I can make other arrangements.

I can walk up the stairs! I thought so. Tried and it was easy. That’s a milestone. So is my improvement in breathing. After pneumonia my breathing had been compromised. I use a spirometer and a clever device called a breathing muscle trainer.

The trainer has seven settings for inhalation, an equal number for exhalation. I breathe in, forcefully, through a small tube. The inhalation setting determines how easy or difficult it is. Then breathe out. 10x rest 10x.

Weather here has been cooler and wet with no wildfire smoke. Good sleeping, fire protection.

Marilyn and Irv come over tonight with food from Oyama, the sushi spot in Aspen Park. Marilyn and Tara have been close for many years. A farewell Shabbos dinner. Trump affects us.

Aging, assisted Living, Fourth Phase, Health

A Change Is Coming

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Pathway clear. Financial advisors. Yes.

I’ll move into Elk Run the third week of September. Lot of work to do between now and then. Choose books. Do all the moving chores like change of address for mail and for various accounts: bank, amazon, financial advisors. Pick clothes. Buy a dresser, a bed.

Elk Run requires a medical assessment. Michelle, the head nurse, will do that sometime in the next couple of weeks. R.J., financial advisor, recommends holding off on filing a long term care claim until that’s all done.

Robin, of Spacewranglers, will see to putting furniture and art and family related material in storage. The rest will get sold, donated, or put in the trash.

The thought of a new, smaller space in a secure place, makes me feel eager to move. I want less responsibility, more time for reading, listening to music, writing.

Mary has been working hard, very hard. Numbering bookshelves. Sorting old photographs. Measuring rooms. When she goes, the house will have less energy. Less love.

Pneumonia triggered all of this. It left me weakened and chastened as a man who could care for himself. A change became necessary.

Joseph, Mary, long time CBE friends all encouraged me. Joseph found Elk Run. Mary reorganized my material life. CBE friends uniformly expressed concern about my living alone after my time in the hospital. I heard them.

A change is coming. And soon.

 

Fourth Phase, Health, Politics, Shadow Mountain

Such a fine sight to see

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Tired of dealing with an uncooperative gut. Constipation. Hard to get regular. Water torture. Never lets up. Always I need to go. I need to not go. Only comfortable position lying down. Since April with occasional break throughs of normalcy. Don’t understand why I can’t resolve it.

Affects sleep. Get up to deal. Head to bathroom, back to bed. Maybe not returning to sleep right away. The two together? A recipe for feeling down. World is too much with me, late and soon.

When it came time yesterday for my Buphati appointment, I couldn’t do it. Realized I have not been on the stairs since returning home. Also, transition from car to office. By walker. Oxygen levels held steady by my new Inogen, Portable oxygen concentrator. Which I have yet to use. Too much. Canceled. New appointment with Christina two weeks from now.

Cancer. Bah, humbug.

Robin comes today to get started on clearing out the house for the final time. We’ll discuss what goes with me. Her long experience will prove useful.

Talked with Matt Bachus yesterday. (realtor) We agreed I need to have a clear understanding about Elk Run costs over against my available income and other resources. Nothing with him can advance without it. After next week’s annual review.

Dopy Don and the Islamic Republic of Iran. What a fine sight to see. Golden wig. Golden toilets. Prayer mats and mosques. Oh, my Allah!

 

Fourth Phase, Health, Shadow Mountain

Shifts and Changes

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Shifts and changes. Mary will probably leave on August 31st. She’ll return to late winter in Melbourne. Three months of kindness. She’ll be missed.

Joe and Seoah will come sometime in September. I might have already moved by then. Depends on my retirement projections which I have not yet seen.   And/or a successful conclusion to my long term care adl conversation. Many matters to determine before then.

Meanwhile Mary and I have established a twice a day workout routine. 20-25 minutes. The only way I’ll improve. Slow, but steady. I have a long way to go.

A period of transition. From living alone. From living on Shadow Mountain. I feel ready.

The broader world is in transition, too. Gabe moves out of his mom’s to a dorm on the Regis campus. A freshman. Ruth starts her junior year, halfway through undergrad.

The days grow shorter, heading toward equal night and day around the vernal equinox. We’re in my favorite time of year. Harvest. Steiner’s springtime of the soul. Samain. Summer’s End. The beginning of holiseason. Its high holiday IMHO, the winter solstice.

The land down under, Oz, follows a different path. Instead it expects spring, the start of the growing season.

Rich Levine and I go see Dr. Bupathi today. Update on my cancer and my participation in the trial. Important stuff.

Fourth Phase, Health, Shadow Mountain

Homecoming

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OK. I’m remembering. To write. Routines are off after getting home from rehab so I’ve forgotten Ancientrails.

Tara and Arjan have moved in. They’ll be here until later this month. Nice to have close friends in the house. Gives Shadow an in-house playmate. A good thing.

Mary and I have begun the lower body exercises Carol (p.t.) suggested. Twice a day. Next week Liz (o.t.) will add upper body work. I have a steep path forward. My motivation remains high. I’ll need it.

I find freedom in routine. Sounds paradoxical, right?  I need time already committed to exercise or write. Otherwise, like the last couple of days, I forget. The press of the daily sops up time, leaving none. My routines have been thrown off, way off by all the medical folderol. Trying to reestablish them.

Being at home with Mary, Shadow, Tara, Arjan makes me feel safe. I also enjoy having access to my own things. Books. Remotes. Streaming channels.

Even so, the transition home has had its significant difficulties. How do I maneuver a walker in the tight space of my bathroom? How do I get out of bed? Mostly how do I navigate life with severe physical weakness? Not unexpected, but hard.

 

 

 

Fourth Phase, Health, Shadow Mountain

Twisty

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Life has gotten a little twisty. I want to move. But. I need the Long Term Care policy to activate first. Problem: to activate it I need to require assistance with two ADLs, activities of daily living. I do need assistance now with showering. That’s one ADL. Coming up with a second one? Not so much.

In this case you get penalized for retaining your independence. Not a great system of reward and benefit. Not sure where this leaves me. I knew all of this when I contacted Robin of Spacewranglers and the realtor, Matt Bachus. I knew it when I put down money to hold the one-bedroom unit.

The piece I didn’t know was this: not being able to cook and having a person’s assistance with all that entails does not count as an ADL. It’s an instrumental activity, whatever that means. Joseph was sure it was an ADL and I listened to him without checking. My bad. It sure seems like needing assistance in getting food should qualify which is why I didn’t question Joe. He was being logical in an illogical situation.

Anyhow. I’ll figure out a solution. May mean staying here on Shadow Mountain a while longer. Not a terrible result.

I’m in a gray zone between full independence and needing enough help to trigger the policy. Weird.

 

Speaking of weird. Interesting headline in today’s NYT: In Iran, The U.S. Appears Headed for a Strategic Defeat, Allies Fear. Gee. Vietnam. Afghanistan. Not a great track record since the 1960’s. It’s hard to be an effective imperialist today, eh?

Which leaves us with a question, how would a defeat in Iran play in our current domestic politics? I’m not sure. You would think, since Iran belongs solely to Trump, that he and his party would suffer in the upcoming mid-terms. May it be so.

But Trump has a way of wiggling out of responsibility if things have gone sour. Let’s hope that won’t work in this case.