Winter Imbolc Moon
Been thinking about dying recently. No, really. In a good way. I try to imagine myself dead at least 5 times a day, my body lying on a small tilted table awaiting cremation. Kate and I saw her mother, Rebecca, just like that.
When I get done with that imaging, usually brief, this song keeps coming up from the far away days of the early 70’s. And it still works for me. In fact, it has an existential content now that’s far more profound than when I first heard it.
When I received the consolation of Deer Creek Canyon shortly after my cancer diagnosis, the mountains forming the Deer Creek valley accepted my short life, my mayfly life against their millions of years.
This song reminds me of something many of us notice when someone close dies, one child is born to carry on. By implication, of course, that means you were that child for someone dying around the time you were born. Living and dying. Beltane to Samain, Samain to Beltane. We are part of the Great Wheel, rolling with it as it goes, in living and in dying.
and when I’m dead, dead and gone,
There’ll be one child born and
a world to carry on, to carry on
and I don’t really care
If it’s peace you find in dying,
well, then let the time be near
when dying time is here,
Just bundle up my coffin cause
it’s cold way down there,
yeah, crazy cold way down there
And when I die and when I’m gone,
There’ll be one child born and
a world to carry on, to carry on
I can swear there ain’t no heaven but I pray there ain’t no hell
Swear there ain’t no heaven and pray there ain’t no hell,
But I’ll never know by living, only my dying will tell,
Only my dying will tell, yeah, only my dying will tell
And when I die and when I’m gone,
There’ll be one child born and a world to carry on, to carry on
All I ask of living is to have no chains on me
All I ask of living is to have no chains on me,
And all I ask of dying is to go naturally, only want to go naturally
Don’t want to go by the devil, don’t want to go by the demon,
Don’t want to go by Satan, don’t want to die uneasy,
Just let me go naturally
And when I die and when I’m gone,
There’ll be one child born, there’ll be one child born
When I die, there’ll be one child born
When I die, there’ll be one child born
When I die, there’ll be one child born
When I die, there’ll be one child born
Last night Kate and I had adult Hebrew, then, an hour later, tikkun middot havurah. This is the third of three mussar related times during the month, a once a month gathering for those who’d like to study mussar but can’t make the Thursday afternoon class. The topic was zerizut, or the middot (character trait) of enthusiasm.
Me, I was just tired. So, the question is, is it worth upsetting my normal rhythms? Yes. Yes, it is. No, not because I’m converting, still not interested. But, I have come to believe that Judaism, at least as practiced in this small mountain synagogue, is about helping humans be better in this life and to use this life to make things better for the other, be the other human or animal or a planet. Synchs up pretty well with my own journey, this ancientrail that has wound from Oklahoma to Indiana, Indiana to Wisconsin, Wisconsin to Minnesota and now, Minnesota to Colorado.