Monthly Archives: April 2025

Dogs, Health, Politics, Seed Keepers, US History

Shadow. A Blue win!

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Spring and the Wu Wei Moon

Wednesday gratefuls: Shadow. Whimpering. The only sound she makes. Ginny. Janice. Annie. Luna. Luke. Leo. MVP. Tonight. Hair cut. Jackie and Rhonda. Living with the body as it is. Susan Crawford. The Democrats of Wisconsin. Seed-Keepers all. Elon.

Sparks of Joy and Awe: Early darkness

Week Kavannah: Wu Wei

One brief shining: Amy clipped on the leash, allowed Shadow to guide her outside, I cheered as we came closer, step by step, to Shadow in the car with me.

 

Dog journal: The beaver has begun sawing on my bed. She won’t get far. It’s an IKEA. Sturdy. Nothing special until now. Shadow marked for all its time.

This morning I looked up from my pillow and Shadow stood between the bed frame and the wall. Good morning, I said. Soon she whimpered. At 5 am. Well, ok. Probably needs to go out. Nope. Just wanted to play.

Her morning energy level. A force of nature. Standing on her hind legs, reaching for my shoulders. Burrowing in between my legs. Nipping. Soft mouth, Shadow.

Amy came yesterday. Tall, gentle Amy. Got Shadow on the leash. We learned a new game, back and forth. I drop a treat, call her name, let her get the treat, then run a few steps away and do the same. After 5-10 times, end with touch, outstretched hand.

Amy is a good business woman. Her 45 minute sessions are 45 minutes. She works Shadow the whole time. And me. She summarizes the day’s work and e-mails it to me. Her payment system works and she sends out regular notifications of upcoming sessions.

 

Organ recital: Leaning toward giving the nerve ablation a shot. If I could get five to six months of relief… Still, needles. Spine. Back.

Gonna give p.t. a thorough shot first. If my referral can ever make it from Mountain View Pain to Luna home health care. Something not right somewhere. Too many phone calls. Sigh.

Wondering what the back pain tells me. Besides the obvious. A Jungian question. Nature’s way of telling me to slow down, take the watercourse way? Or is it a lesson in humility? You are now old. Perhaps focus on matters close to home? Ready myself for the future, whatever it holds?

 

Just a moment: Susan Crawford for the win in Wisconsin! So glad Wisconsin brushed off the crude and cynical exploits of Elon, the Cheesehead. He managed a patronizing, condescending, billionaire it’s all about the money campaign and lost big time.

A booster shot in the old blue arm for sure. Perhaps we liberals (well, ok. I’m a radical, but for the sake of unity.) can now remember that neither Harris nor Trump got 50% of the vote. Harris=48.3%. Trump= 49.8%. We are many, too. Even though it may not feel like it in the hazy, crazy times of the orange ones first hundred days.

Susan Crawford. Seed-keeper. Reminding us that a 2026 victory garden can grow from ideas and campaign tactics known already.

Do we need more focus on working class Americans? Oh, yes. We do. Does that mean we abandon progressive ideas in other areas? No.

Fourth Phase, Mussar

Will to have no will

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Spring and the Wu Wei Moon

How about letting the River flow by, twisting here, pooling there, rushing over dams and Rocks and Boulders, always soft, brushing against its Banks, taking a bit of the Soil, other Organic matter, blending it with the Waters of Mountain Streams and Creeks, seeking a path to the World Ocean.

Of course. Really. No choice. The way it goes anyhow. Only difference? Twisting and turning no more. Set in the kayak that holds my life, using the paddle to stay in the current. Let go. Let be. Unloose. Set free.

Cannot shake this desire, this ratzon. This will for my life. Irony. Will to have no will. Desire to have no desire.

It scares me. Unmoored, tethered no more. A Pebble, a speck of Sand carried by forces invisible. Give up the rudder? Who does that? At any age.

Shadow runs through her day. She takes food and water when they come. She rolls and jumps and zooms. Plays. Presses the squeaker on her toys until she wears out. Then she sleeps. Wakes up. Again, the day as it comes.

We Americans, like all advanced civilizations, pride ourselves on bending nature, talent, life, even love to our intention. Manifest, damn it! Our stubbornness, our drive, our will to power create sharp angles, boxes where nature has fractals and curves.

Even the Gods. We pray and create dogma. Box in the sacred. Give its revelation to ancient authors. To rituals. We run from the still small voice as if it were the battle cry of an ogre.

When. If. We stopped for a moment to listen. To see. To wait. To feel the flow of the universe around us, to grant ourselves the freedom to become flotsam on the quantum foam. We would become one with the foam, one with the One. As we are already. No matter our beliefs or attitudes.

I want, no, I will my life to have no will. No intention. No truth. No direction. Float with my Shadow, my home, my friends, my family. Where the River goes.

Dogs, Health

Shadow’s Gift

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Spring and the Wu Wei Moon

Tuesday gratefuls: MRI results. Hannah. Mountain View Pain Clinic. Luna Home Physical Therapy. Luke and Leo. Shadow. Toys for aggressive chewers. Our backyard. The Yellow Duck. Early Mountain mornings. Magenta Skies. Snow forecast. Amy coming today. Leash training.

Sparks of Joy and Awe: Shadow’s Gift

Week Kavannah: Wu Wei

chatgpt

One brief shining: Luke’s website, Soulscape, includes a well-done Bird figure from Dungeons and Dragons, brown pants and green top to symbolize a Tree, his own versions of the Hebrew letters from age 10, several of his newer Hebrew letters in his distinctive white on black style, and a discursus on the letter lamed, a tour de force.

 

 

 

Dog journal: Over the course of our lives together Kate and I loved and cared for 17 Dogs. As you can imagine, I’ve seen many instances of Dog behaviors. None like the one I saw yesterday from Shadow.

Luke and Leo came over. Leo would make 5 of Shadow. He’s a very gentle and kind animal, slower at his advanced age of 12 than when I first met him.

After he and Shadow sniffed all the relevant parts of each other, they went outside to play. Shadow zooming in the back as she loves to do; Leo plowing through the Snow with his head. A lot of play bows, some chasing each other through the Lodgepoles.

When Leo had had enough, he wanted to go back inside, Luke thought for the toys. Leo remembers where the toys are when he comes over. As Luke thought, Leo went straight for the toy bucket. Shadow got a toy, too, and they played separately for a while. Then, Leo got tired of it all and laid down. Shadow continued to play for a bit.

Then she did it. Shadow picked up the toy Tiger in her mouth, went over and dropped it in front of Leo as if giving him a gift. I know it’s easy to over interpret Dog behavior, to project our assumptions about their behavior onto them. But I swear Shadow gave him the toy to play with.

One of the sweetest Dog moments I’ve witnessed.

 

Organ recital: MRI results are in. Oh, boy. My lumbar spine, from L2 to L5 is arthritic and the discs herniated. Lots of nerve pinching up and down. No wonder I’ve got pain.

The herniation I imagine is from the Andover gardening years. Stoop labor. A lot of heavy lifting.

Possible treatments include opiods. No. Physical therapy. Yes. Cane. Maybe. Steriod injections. Probably not. Nerve ablation. Maybe.

All symptomatic. No fixing this back. Problem is I’d need multiple sessions with needles into my spine for either the steroid injections or the nerve ablations. With the steroids, if they help, every three months at least. With the nerve ablations possible six month intervals.

Even so. Needles into my spine? That scares me from a pain perspective and from a That’s My Spine perspective. If it were one and done, sure. But episodically for the rest of my life?

Gonna go with more physical therapy right now. Ponder the needles.