Ostara and the Moon of Mourning
Friday gratefuls: Kate. Seoah. Ruth. Important women in my life. CBE, our once and future life together. Woolly Mammoths. Snow. Once more, deep. Grief and its sad currents. Evergreen Memorial Park. Kep, who had to get up early today.
Sparks of Joy: The card from Carol Horger. “Kate brought yellow flowers to our class to remind us of joy. She was joyful.” Yes.
Life has changed, Kate gone. It’s like an unassembled puzzle with familiar pieces, yet a new picture waiting to emerge. Don’t know how long it will take to put it back together. But I’m confident. A new way of being. One informed by who I am and who Kate was and is in my heart. Lies ahead, is underway. Days pass and the reality of her absence becomes clearer, more solid. Less fear and pain, more memories and consolation.
I stood at the window yesterday, looking out over our driveway, and felt Kate watching the snow with me. She loved the mountains and watching the snow come down among the Lodgepole pines. Me, too. Her eyes and mine, one.
As I hear more about her, from so many, I wonder how I found such a remarkable woman. How she found me. The world has its ways of bringing together improbable matches. Ours was one.
Yet it fed both of us. Lifted us up, made us more than we might have been. Her whisper in my heart’s ear will not vanish. She will read my new novels as I write them. Admire my amateur paintings, encourage me to take on new challenges. Her body is gone, but her heart lives on, synching as it always has with mine.
She was my true love, the one who knew me better than I knew myself.
I miss her. I love her. I’m so happy she entered my life. Grateful.
