Spring Awakening Moon
An outside day today. Planting onions, garden planning and repair. I’m itchy to get back to learning more Latin and translating the Metamorphoses, but the rhythm of nature waits for no one.
Writing is always an exercise in self-disclosure, no matter what kind of writing you do. The subjects you pick, the ones you don’t, the style you use, the one you avoid, the words you choose, the ones you don’t know all reveal inner workings most folks prefer to keep to themselves. Even with my modest public writing–this blog, sermons, the Sierra Club Blog last year for example, I’ve gotten the occasional emotional jolt that comes when the inside becomes the outside.
If you click on the comments about John Lampl, you’ll see an example of what I mean. This comment came right out of left field, a comment about a post I’d written a year and a half ago about events in my life that happened, let’s see now, 36 years ago. 36 years. What’s amazing about that is the rocket ride back to feelings of the past, that particular past, I went on when I read the post.
To gauge the difficulties of those years is like comparing a Caterpillar 73f to a Tonka Truck. Today is a Tonka Truck life in terms of angst. Those days I bled angst from every pore. I married a wonderful young woman, Judy Merritt, at the height of the sixties, 1969. We got married on an Indian mound in Anderson, Indiana, received two pounds of marijuana as a wedding present and recessed to I’m So Glad by the Cream. Butterflies landed on my shoulder. Really. Five years later my alcoholism had grown worse–ironically during my time in seminary–and I pushed Judy away. No wonder Johnnie was there to catch her.
There is, too, an inescapable amount of self-absorption in writing. I’ve kept journals for years, I have three bookshelves lined with them. The last five years I’ve kept much of my journal-type writing on line in this blog and its Frontpage predecessor.
This post made me wonder why I do this. Not from an, oh my god why did I ever do this perspective, but from a Why do I do this point of view. The easiest and probably the truest explanation is that it is just what I do. I write. I write about politics, about fantasy worlds I create, about my life, about thinking through the liberal faith tradition, about art. My dad wrote. I write.
Scribo, ergo sum.
