Samain and the Shadow Moon
Monday gratefuls: Broncos v Packers. Whadda game. Happy Camper. Holiday gifts for Ana, housecleaner, and Mark, mailman. Later, Shirley Septic workers. The Ancient Brothers on gifts, gift giving, what do we really want for the holidays. Hawai’i. Hanukkah. The shamash. Nathan. Subway.
Sparks of Joy and Awe: Hanukkah
Life Kavannah: Wu Wei Shadow, my Wu Wei mistress
Week Kavannah: Netzach “Endurance and Tenacity: Netzach represents the inner strength and fortitude required to pursue a goal or a passion over a long period, especially when faced with obstacles.”
Being a metaPhysician
One brief shining: Took a Washington Post quiz and found myself in the meaningful life bucket for living a good life; the other two, a happy life and a psychologically rich life, also seemed ok, but meaningful did capture my life overall, its summary sentence: “I’ve made a difference!”
I mention this Washington Post quiz because Ode’s theme for the Ancient Brothers included the question, what do you really want for the holidays? He specifically pointed us away from things like world peace and toward our own lives, right now.
As you might imagine, the first thought for me was: no more cancer. That’s not gonna happen, I know. Press deeper. Taking that quiz, I realized I had my answer. I want my life to continue to be meaningful. Not productive. Not successful. Not achievement oriented, but meaningful.
What’s meaningful for me at 78, slowed down by fatigue and cancer, will not be, is not the same as me at 40, or 50, even 70. Now meaningful living lies in nurturing relationships of long standing. Nurturing and backstopping family. Developing in the moment kind and loving connections with everyone I meet. Continuing to write Ancientrails. Continuing to deepen my Jewish journey, my pagan journey, my life journey.
Realizing this is what I wanted, really wanted, not only for the holidays, but throughout the year gave me a gathered calm; my life has had this trajectory for a long time, my task now is to live it in my fourth phase, life with a terminal disease.
It means sticking with Shadow, making the necessary adaptations to have her as a permanent part of my life. It means planting Artemis, harvesting food for my table. It means going to mussar, bagel table, CBE men’s group. It means keeping up to date on our changing country, our changing world and commenting on those changes.
Live until l die. A meaningful life.
Just a moment: Living my meaningful life has, I realized, important implications for how I live in this fraught time, a time when the actions and struggles that have long made my life meaningful find hostile pushback. Trump and his ilk do not have the power to ruin my life. Only I have that power.
What can I do in this worst of times? Live as full, as rich, as collaborative a life as I can. Which is what I’ve been doing.
How about you? Happy life? Meaningful life? Psychologically rich? The good life beckons. Yes, even now.