Beltane                                                             Emergence Moon

OK. Here’s what puts Minnesota Whackos in perspective. An actual plan, created in 2009, by our army, to deal with a zombie threat and to preserve non-zombie life. Let it be known right here that I’m relieved. I thought John LaDue, Byron White and the corpse containing RV, with the late addition of the anti-neighbor Zumberge family (see earlier posts if these names are new to you.) had established Minnesota as the current reigning whacko champ.

But, no. The army is there to create a national whacko moment far exceeding our home grown ones, even though our whackos are above average. Seriously. below from The Situation Report: 

“”…As its authors note in the document’s ‘disclaimer section,’ ‘this plan was not actually designed as a joke.’ Military planners assigned to the U.S. Strategic Command in Omaha, Nebraska during 2009 and 2010 looked for a creative way to devise a planning document to protect citizens in the event of an attack of any kind. The officers used zombies as their muse. “Planners … realized that training examples for plans must accommodate the political fallout that occurs if the general public mistakenly believes that a fictional training scenario is actually a real plan,” the authors wrote, adding: ‘Rather than risk such an outcome by teaching our augmentees using the fictional ‘Tunisia’ or ‘Nigeria’ scenarios used at [Joint Combined Warfighting School], we elected to use a completely-impossible scenario that could never be mistaken for a real plan.”

“… Under ‘Zombie Threat Summary,’ the plan highlights the different kinds of zombie adversaries one might find in such an attack. They include not only vegetarian zombies (‘zombie life forms originating from any cause but pose no direct threat to humans because they only eat plant life’); evil magic zombies (‘EMZs are zombie life forms created via some form of occult experimentation in what might otherwise be referred to as ‘evil magic’); and also chicken zombies.”

‘Although it sounds ridiculous, this is actually the only proven class of zombie that actually exists,’ the plan states. So-called ‘CZs’ occur when old hens that can no longer lay eggs are euthanized by farmers with carbon monoxide, buried, and then claw their way back to the surface. ‘CZs are simply terrifying to behold and are likely only to make people become vegetarians in protest to animal cruelty,’ according to CONOP